


Atlantis Observed

by seekergeek



Series: Atlantis Observed series [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Dead Babies, Insane AI, Kid Fic, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-10
Updated: 2009-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-04 07:50:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekergeek/pseuds/seekergeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He dropped his hands into his lap and cocked his head to the side. <i>You want to know what it takes to make a baby live? Why?</i></p><p>image of infants dying:statement</p><p>John felt a chill run down his spine and settle into his stomach. He was suddenly sure that once he figured out exactly what Atlantis was trying to tell him, things were going to get ugly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Atlantis Observed

**Author's Note:**

> Brief non-graphic mention of prior non-consensual act committed upon John and Rodney.  
> Graphic description of dead infants.

_image of John:query_

John rolled over in bed to stare at the ceiling. _Yes, Atlantis?_

image of infants dying:query

He sat up at that, surprised. _Huh? What are you talking about, Atlantis?_

image of infants pulled from machine: image of infants being cleaned by mechanical arm: image of infants being fed by mechanical device: image of infants in distress: image of infants dying: query

John rubbed his forehead. What was with Atlantis tonight? _Why did these babies die? Is that what you are asking?_

affirmation. image of infants dying: query

John did not for the life of him understand why Atlantis was fixated on dying babies tonight. It 'said' incomprehensible things to him all the time, but this was a whole new order of weird. He rubbed his face in frustration. _I don't know, Atlantis. I don't know the details of what happened to them other than they came out of a machine are were cleaned and fed by machines._

pause: pause: pause: image of infants dying: query

John sighed and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. He wished he understood Atlantis better. He always had this sensation that there was something just out the range of his comprehension when it spoke to him, something that he was missing. Damn. _Listen, Atlantis. I. Don't. Know. Why. Is there any particular reason why you're asking me this?_

image of healthy infant:request

He dropped his hands into his lap and cocked his head to the side. _You want to know what it takes to make a baby live? Why?_

image of infants dying:statement

John felt a chill run down his spine and settle into his stomach. He was suddenly sure that once he figured out exactly what Atlantis was trying to tell him, things were going to get ugly.

* * *

"Beckett? This is Sheppard, do you read?"

Carson fumbled for his radio and stuck it in his ear. "Beckett here, Colonel. What can I do for you?" He said as he sat up out of bed and began looking for his uniform. Sheppard calling this late at night usually meant it was something serious.

Over the sounds of running Carson heard John say, "We have a situation in the North sector, tower 92, level 38. Meet me at the transporter nearest there with an emergency kit and... " Sheppard gulped audibly over the radio, "and some body bags. Tell Dr. Weir where we're going. I have to grab Zelenka and Rodney to help me stop this."

"Colonel? Stop what? Who died?" Carson asked, completely bewildered. There were no current explorations, experiments or living quarters in that area. There shouldn't have been anyone there to get hurt.

"Oh, god. Carson... babies," Sheppard's voice cracked on the last word. "Just, just shut up and get there, okay?" The radio clicked off.

"Bloody fucking hell!" Carson muttered, and scrambled for his clothes. Either Sheppard had lost his mind, or Carson was about to be treated to more of the hellacious weirdness that the Pegasus galaxy specialized in. He tapped his radio and put in a call to his emergency team while putting on his pants. Once completely dressed he put in a call to Dr. Weir.

"Dr. Weir this is Dr. Beckett, are you there?"

"This is Weir, what's up Carson?" She sounded tired to Carson. Not a surprise this late at night.

"Colonel Sheppard's got a situation in the North sector, tower 92, level 38. He asked me to pass along the info while he gathers Doctors Zelenka and McKay. I'm meeting him there," Carson said.

"What situation?" Weir asked sharply.

"I don't rightly know, luv, but Sheppard's in a right swivet about it. I'll tell you more when we get there," Carson rubbed his forehead.

"You do that. I'll be in the Gateroom monitoring that sector. Be careful."

"Thanks, Elizabeth." Carson clicked his radio off and headed out the door.

* * *

Radek was arguing amiably with Rodney about string theory again when Colonel Sheppard burst into the lab saying, "You two, go grab your gear! There's a situation in the North sector and I may need you to break into the lab. And you'll definitely need to disable some Ancient tech once we get inside!" Radek was shocked to see the Colonel looking frantic.

Rodney grabbed Sheppard by the arm and shook him. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What lab? We haven't got anything going on in the North sector of the city!"

The Colonel yanked himself away from Rodney and growled, "Rodney, it's not a lab we're working in! Atlantis started one of the labs up in tower 92 by itself! And we've got to shut it down! Now!"

Radek broke in. "What? How? How did you find this out, Colonel?"

Sheppard repeated, "How did..", stopped, and then flung his arms out in frustration. "I'll tell you later! We've got to go now!"

"Is anybody in imminent danger of dying, Sheppard?" demanded Rodney.

Radek noted that Colonel Sheppard was practically vibrating at this point. Whatever it was, it definitely had the Colonel on edge. Radek reached over to his desk and quickly packed up his laptop and tools.

Sheppard gritted out through his teeth, "Yes, Rodney, death is definitely a factor here! So, get your gear and Get. Your. Ass. Moving!"

Rodney groused, "Well, you should have just said that before!" while grabbing his equipment. "How can I tell if it's an emergency or not, if you don't give me the important details, like if people are going to, oh, say, die or not!"

Sheppard grabbed Rodney by the jacket as soon as he'd grabbed the last of his things and shoved him through the door, Rodney protesting his mistreatment at top volume. Radek smiled grimly at the two, noting how even in a crisis they resembled a comedy duo, and followed after them.

* * *

Rodney was going to have nightmares of this night for the rest of his life, he was sure of this. He was going to kill John for not warning him in advance of what they were going to find. The scene they saw once they'd open the door and disabled it from closing was like the Holocaust in miniature. A lab bench covered with six dead infants, carefully preserved in stasis fields, limbs wasted and thin, bellies bloated like starvation victims. And on another bench, one newborn lay, its back arched and its limbs stiff and trembling, wailing its misery and distress like the lost and the damned. He heard Zelenka mutter something that was possibly "oh god" in Czech behind him.

John shoved Rodney to the side and scrambled towards the still living infant, towing Carson in his wake by the arm. Carson wrenched free of his grip and dove for the baby, shouting, "I've got the wee one! Get control of this lab, now!" John veered over to a side wall and slammed his hands down on some controls. Panels in the wall slid open to reveal what appeared to be a bank of a dozen artificial wombs. Five were still active and in use, containing fetuses in varying stages of development. John looked over his shoulder at Rodney with pleading eyes and said, "Rodney, can you disable everything but these?"

Rodney shook free of his paralysis, grabbed Radek by the wrist and ran for the main control console in the center of the room. He threw Radek towards the controls shouting, "Tell me what you've got up top, I'll pop the panel below!" as he slid into the base of the control console knees first. He spared himself a bare wince, knowing that that was going to hurt later on when the adrenaline wore off, and wrenched open the panel. It looked like there were two separate power control areas. That was a good sign he might be able to shut off everything but the active baby-making machines. He's just needed Radek to figure out which was which, and quickly.

Radek had linked his laptop into the console and was tapping madly. "Rodney, there are two power controls to this facility."

"Yes, yes, I know that! Tell me which one I can cut off without becoming a mad scientist baby-killer, will you?" Rodney snarled. Sometimes everyone around him was just so slow. He dug around inside the controls to see what else it could tell him by the way it was organized.

Radek continued, ignoring Rodney's rudeness. "The gestational units are on a protected circuit which also has two failsafe backups according to the controls here. The rest of the facility appears to run on an ordinary circuit."

As soon as Radek said that, Rodney knew which one was which and started yanking crystals at a furious rate. He didn't stop until he'd completely disassembled all the controls not pertaining to the gestational units. It wasn't until he'd sat back on his heels and smelled the first faint whiff of rotting flesh that he realized that he'd also deactivated the stasis shields as well. He shut his eyes and gulped convulsively. Don't throw up, don't throw up, don't throw up, he chanted to himself.

"Rodney, are we done here?" John asked him, his tone the oddest Rodney had ever heard from the man.

"Yes, we're done. I'll send a team up here latter to investigate what happened and do a thorough check on the active units, but the lab shouldn't generate anymore babies until we find out just how it started to in the first place," Rodney said in a raw voice, gulping down nausea again. Don't throw up, don't throw up.

He heard Carson say, "The wee one seems okay physically. He canna be a more than a day or two old at the most," as the infant's screams sputtered out into hiccuping whimpers. Rodney turned towards the sound and opened his eyes to see Carson cradling the infant, gently bouncing it from side to side. "I've called the rest of my team in to pick up the bodies. I'll have Dr. Biro start her examinations of them later, but for now I'm taking the wee one to the infirmary for a more thorough check up."

Radek lifted his head up from where he'd dropped it on the console and rubbed his eyes. "Are you going to run DNA test on him?" he asked wearily.

Carson looked down at the baby. "Aye. Maybe it will help answer the question of why this lab started producing infants in the first place." He looked at the dead infants. "I'll be testing them all, actually." The rest of Carson's team came in and started the process of bagging the dead bodies. Carson looked at John, Radek and Rodney and said, "There's rather a lot of people in here at the moment. Why don't you lot come with me so my team can do their job?"

Rodney swallowed again against the bile rising in his throat. Don't throw up. He nodded at Carson, as did John and Radek. Both of them looked ill as well. At least he was in good company when it came to rebelliously roiling stomachs.

Carson commented to him later that he was surprised that Rodney had made it to the infirmary before he threw up. John hadn't lasted past the door to the lab.

* * *

"Thank you for your reports on what you've found so far in the baby lab, gentlemen," Dr Weir said crisply to the four men seated around the conference table in front of her. "However, I still have one question that hasn't been answered in any of your reports. Exactly how did what was happening in the lab come to our attention in the first place? That area of the city is completely unused by us and the last time anyone in the expedition was in that area was during the initial survey of the area well over a year and a half ago." Weir shot her eyes straight to John and raised an eyebrow at him. She had a suspicion and was waiting for John to confirm or deny it.

John shifted uneasily under her gaze, and dropped his eyes into his lap. "The city alerted me to the situation," he said finally.

"Atlantis did? How? Atlantis can talk to you and you never told me?" Rodney spluttered, lurching forward in his chair to glare at John.

John shot to his feet and jabbed a finger at Rodney, shouting, "Because I don't call playing charades with an alien cross between someone's mad aunt Ethel and an a computer talking, Rodney! I spend half the time telling Atlantis I have no fucking idea what it's saying!"

"Gentlemen! Focus!" Weir snapped. "John, please sit down," she continued in a gentler tone, and watched him until he reluctantly returned to his seat. He seemed pretty skittish about the whole thing, but she needed to know more. "How exactly did the city manage to inform you of the lab?"

John slumped a little more in his chair, picked up a tablet stylus and started to fiddle with it, looking at no one. "I was in bed trying to fall asleep when Atlantis sent what I guess you would call a compressed image of all the infants dying with a some kind of, of tag notifier that let me know the image was a question. After a rousing game of twenty questions that lasted the better part of an hour, I'd finally figured out what had happened, that Atlantis was asking for assistance in saving the remaining infants, and where the lab was."

Zelenka leaned in with interest. "Colonel, you're saying that the city speaks to you by sending imagery to your brain?"

John shrugged with one shoulder, still not meeting anyone's eye. "Yeah, kinda. It's pretty hard to translate. And there's always a buzz over top of it, like a dog whistle. I know it's there, but I can't hear it."

Rodney turned to Carson and asked, "How about you? Do you have Atlantis trying to talk to you, too?"

Weir noted that Carson grimaced the way he always did in reference to him and Ancient technology interacting before he said, "I've gotten that unhearable buzz the Colonel mentioned once or twice. No images though, Rodney."

Rodney huffed angrily and sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. Weir was amused that he wasn't mollified by the fact that it appeared to be difficult or impossible to understand anything Atlantis might be saying for even the strongest gene carriers. She decided to give Rodney a gentle reality check to hopefully spare John and Carson some of his wrath and said, "Well, that's not a surprise. After all, neither of you are actually Ancients. We do know that the Ancients used more of their brain capacity than we humans currently do. Perhaps that has an effect on our ability to communicate with the city." Rodney huffed again more thoughtfully and his body loosened up in his chair. She then turned again to John and asked "Just for the sake of completeness here, is there anything else you've been able to pick up from the city concerning the lab, John?"

He dropped the stylus on the table, leaned on one arm of his chair, put his forehead in the palm of his hand and sighed. "Nothing at the moment, Elizabeth."

She looked at him for a second. He was clearly at the end of his rope at the moment. Weir was reminded again that John was a relative newcomer to the Stargate program compared to everyone else and still tended to be a bit more weirded out by things. His casual front made her forget that at times. "Well, gentlemen, I think that will be all for now. Rodney, Carson, let me know what you find in your investigations of the lab and the infant, will you?"

"Yes, yes I will," said Rodney, already on his way out the door, Zelenka trailing closely after him.

"Yes, Dr. Weir," said Carson as he stood slowly. He looked over to John and asked concernedly, "Colonel, are you still feeling peaky?"

John straightened up abruptly. "What? Oh. No, Carson I'm fine. I'm just tired. It's been a long day."

Carson reached over and patted John on the shoulder. "That it has, son. Go get some rest. The baby is being cooed over by all the nurses so you don't need to worry about anything else tonight."

John slumped a little and nodded. "Okay doc. See you in the morning." Carson left, and after a moment, John got up and started for the door.

"Sleep well, John," said Weir, knowing that he probably wouldn't.

He looked at her over his shoulder and gave a faint smile that didn't reach his eyes. "You too," And then he was out the door.

Weir spent the rest of the night staring at her ceiling wondering what they were going to do if the baby turned out to be an Ancient.

* * *

The next afternoon John sat in a corner of the infirmary, staring at nothing, desperately trying to think of nothing. The preliminary DNA results that Carson had produced on all the infants had left both him and Rodney speechless, and the information Zelenka had managed to pull out of the lab database's security files about how it had occurred had appalled everyone and made John deeply worried. Rodney sat across from him staring at the infant sleeping wrapped in a blanket in his lap with a look on his face like he couldn't even decide what to think. He'd been that way for the last five minutes at least. It was creeping John out to see Rodney's brain completely shut down in the face of the news. Carson stood next to them, watching at them both with a concerned expression on his face.

_image of John: query_

What? John thought back viciously at Atlantis. He wasn't sure if he could cope with the city anymore, not after this.

_image of dead infants: query_

Fuck. Atlantis was going to keep after him until it got its answer. Fine. He just hoped that Carson had one for him to give.

John roused himself reluctantly out of his blankness and asked, "How did the other babies die, Carson?"

"Lack of human contact. They pined to death. Just like that experiment," Rodney interrupted in a monotone, still staring at the sleeping baby.

John shot a look at Rodney and the baby. At their baby. What the hell was Atlantis thinking? He'd never thought he'd get to be a father, least of all in conjunction with an aggravating astrophysicist who also happened to be another guy. No matter how fond of Rodney he'd become, this was nuts. His stomach clenched in distress.

"Oh, aye," said Carson, "I remember reading about that one. It does explain the results of the autopsies so far." He looked down into his teacup and sloshed around the dregs.

John looked at him narrowly. "What experiment? Somebody did an experiment on how to make a baby pine to death?" John felt ready to throw up again. He couldn't believe that this was happening to him. Just what kind of shit karma did he have, anyway?

"Calm down, Colonel," Carson said gently, looking back up out of his teacup."It wasn't supposed to be that kind of experiment. Back in the late 1800's or early 1900's, I forget when exactly, some English gentleman decided to test a hypothesis that a group of infants would grow up to develop their own language if not interfered with by adults. He gathered together some orphaned babies and had nurses feed them and change their nappies but not interact with them otherwise. All the wee ones died on him, much to his surprise." Carson set down his teacup on a nearby table and crossed his arms. "Later experiments done by scientists with monkeys proved that infants need a lot of physical contact and interaction in order to thrive. Without it they become depressed and eventually refuse food and die of starvation and dehydration."

John dropped his head back with a clunk against the wall and shut his eyes. _There you have it, Atlantis. Your precious babies that you whipped up out of my and Rodney's DNA died because they needed human contact, you overgrown Cylon toaster. You're not human. You killed them because you're a goddamned machine._

image of sorrowful looking Ancient female superimposed over image of rain trailing outer hull: statement

Oh, sure, fine, be sorry now! John snarled mentally. He was beyond angry and well into insanely livid at this point and he knew it. If it were possible to kill the city at this point he would have done it gladly and with his bare hands. _You weren't sorry to steal the DNA from both of us! You weren't sorry to mess with our minds so we wouldn't remember it! You weren't sorry when those six babies died due to your..._

image of weeping Miko superimposed over image of rain pounding against outer hull: statement The connection he had with the city flickered uncertainly for the first time since John had arrived on Atlantis.

_Quit your crying. I'm not buying it. You should have at least told me when the first baby got sick._ John screwed his eyes more tightly shut to keep any incipient tears from leaking out.

_pause: pause: affirmation. pause: image of weeping Miko superimposed over image of rain pounding against outer hull: statement_

Shut the fuck up and get the hell out of my head, John thought wearily. He'd be damned if he'd let the city cry on his shoulder when he was drowning in a sea full of his own unshed tears. John swallowed convulsively a couple of times and finally got himself under control. He opened his eyes and looked back into Rodney's lap where their newborn son lay. At least they had gotten to this one in time. It was cold comfort.

After looking at John and Rodney a little while longer, Carson picked up his teacup, said, "If you two need me for anything, let me know. I've got to get back to work. Take as long as you need with the wee one," then left.

Rodney nodded slightly and finally, hesitantly, stroked the baby's face with a single finger. "Sheppard?" Rodney said quietly.

John gulped. Rodney actually using an indoor voice. He hated it. "Yeah, Rodney?"

"What are we going to do about the babies in the gestational units? They're due to come out, approximately one a month for the next five or so months according to Zelenka." Rodney paused for a moment and then said, "I'm not sure how prepared we are to be the fathers of not quite sextuplets."

John sighed and looked into Rodney's uncertain face. "I don't know, Rodney. I just don't know. We've known that we're fathers of each other's child for, what, 20 minutes? I still haven't wrapped my mind around that, much less the fact that we've got five more on the way."

"My brain is refusing to go there too," Rodney replied. "I don't know whether to feel awed or violated. I've always wanted a family, but not, not like this." Rodney stopped and then looked dismayed. "That's not to say that I don't appreciate your genes. You aren't an idiot and you're reasonably attractive and you've got the ATA gene which is good..."

Despite his inner misery at Atlantis' betrayal, John found himself grinning at Rodney. The man was just so funny.

Rodney caught the grin and stopped mid-sentence. "I'm babbling, aren't I?"

John's grin deepened a little more. "Yep."

Rodney sighed and looked back down at the baby. "I just expected the mother of my baby to have blond hair and boobs, not a brown cowlick attack and a gun."

John chuckled despite himself. "Yeah, and I never expected the mother of my child to have male pattern baldness, Rodney."

Rodney looked at him narrowly. "Very funny, Sheppard."

"Please, Rodney. I'm the father of your child. Call me John," John said teasingly.

Rodney opened his mouth to deliver a blistering retort when the baby decided to stretch and yawn in his lap. He looked down at the baby instead, getting an unreadable expression on his face. He once again stroked the baby's face with a finger as it blinked contentedly up at him. John's smiled faded as he watched Rodney and his stomach clenched again. Finally Rodney said, "You know, we really ought to give the baby a name. I'd prefer to not have to call my son 'Hey You' for the next 80 years."

John's stomach unclenched a little at that. He didn't know why, but he was comforted by Rodney's comparatively easy acceptance of their baby. It made the rest of this insanity bearable. "You got a point. Got any ideas?" Better to think of small things like this rather than the whole huge issue of what the hell they were going to do with six babies and a city that was apparently insane and stalking him and Rodney.

* * *

Dammit, why had he agreed to a best two out of three game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide which of them got top billing on the last name for little Nathan? He should have demanded they decide it by IQ rating. Rodney was still sulking after John left when Teyla and Ronon came walking in to the infirmary.

"Hey," Rodney said, sitting up a little straighter. "I thought you two weren't due back from that trading mission till tomorrow."

Teyla smiled at him and bent down to look at the baby. "We were able to conclude our business early. I have heard that you and Colonel Sheppard have received some interesting news." She smiled at him again while she reached out to gently stroke Nathan's head.

"You have the most amazing talent for understatement, Teyla," Rodney replied with a wry look. "Two men becoming the genetic parents of six babies in five months time should at least be worth a 'shocking' if not 'freaky' news rating." The panic that had been bubbling underneath the numbness finally surfaced and Rodney covered his face with his hands and moaned, "Oh god. I'm so screwed. I suck at kids. I'll ruin them for life."

Teyla rubbed Rodney's shoulder comfortingly. "I'm sure you will rise to the challenge, Rodney." Rodney moved his hands away from his face and gave her a grateful, if disbelieving look.

Ronon rumbled from his corner of the room. "Don't drop them on their heads and they'll be fine."

Rodney laughed nervously. "Right. That shouldn't be too hard seeing as how I'm terrified to pick Nathan up." He stared at his son, looking sublimely unconcerned in his lap. Dammit, there should have been a nurturing female in this equation to make sure he didn't screw up. Wait a minute. "Teyla, do you know about raising kids?" Rodney looked at her hopefully.

Teyla smiled back. "I have not had any children of my own, Doctor McKay, but I have watched over others children often. I would be honored to assist you and Colonel Sheppard."

"Me too," Ronon added. Rodney stared at him, stupefied. Dex shrugged. "I was the oldest of twelve. Helped out a lot."

Well, Xena and a Wookie wasn't exactly the blond motherly type he'd been planning on, but beggars couldn't be choosers at this moment. "Thank you," Rodney said feelingly.

Ronon walked over and knelt down in front of Rodney as Teyla sat down in the chair next him. "First lesson," Ronon rumbled, "how to pick up and hold a baby. Watch." Ronon reached out and placed one hand under Nathan's head and the other under his body. "Support the head when it's this young. The neck isn't strong enough yet."

He lifted Nathan up and pulled the baby to his chest. "Slide this arm around so it always supports the head, use the other arm to slide the baby up." Ronon slowly pulled Nathan into a cradled hug to demonstrate. Rodney gulped as his tiny son became even more minuscule looking in those enormous arms. Ronon slowly reversed the motions and placed Nathan back in Rodney's lap. "You try."

Rodney gulped again and did his best to mimic Ronon's movements, awkwardly picking up Nathan and fumbling him into the crook of his arm. Nathan cooed and melted bonelessly into his arms. Rodney's heart skipped a beat and not caring if he looked like an idiot for once in his life, leaned down and brushed a kiss onto Nathan's forehead.

Ronon smiled at him and patted Rodney on the knee. "You'll do fine."

Teyla wrapped an arm around Rodney's shoulders and said, "Ronon is right. You will do well as a parent."

Rodney smiled nervously at both of them. Maybe they were right. He was a genius, he'd figure out a way. Stupid people raised children all the time. Surely with his brainpower he'd learn to do a better job than they did. Rodney let his breath out slowly. Yeah, he could do this.

* * *

Radek stood with his arms crossed, staring at the gestational chambers still in use. Dear god, those are McKay and Sheppard's children in there, he thought for the umpteenth time that night. He had chased out the rest of the crew investigating the lab earlier with threats of unleashing McKay on them for shoddy work due to exhaustion. He was not too bright-eyed himself, but stayed anyway, because he wasn't sure he could sleep, even as tired as he was. No, that was inaccurate. He would fall asleep, yes, but the resulting dreams would probably rocket him back to sweaty wakefulness. What he had found in the Ancient security feeds had brought home to him just how alien the city of Atlantis was. The video of the lab subduing and extracting samples from McKay and Sheppard had been chilling to watch. And the two of them still had no personal recollections of what had happened. He shook his head, took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was one of those days that he doubted his sanity in joining the expedition. This place would kill them all if the Wraith didn't manage to first.

He heard a throat cleared behind him and turned to see Dr. Beckett. "Ah, hello. Come to see the babies?" Radek asked, putting his glasses back on.

Carson glanced over at the units. "Aye." He then looked back over at Radek and asked "So, what do you think of the whole situation?"

Radek grimaced, "Truthfully? I find it worrying. And not just because the city finally found way to breed Rodney without the awkward intervention of women."

Carson snorted and rolled his eyes. "Aye, because we all know what a ladies' man Rodney is. It's quite the embarrassment watching the man try to date."

Radek grinned back briefly. "Well, we won't have to watch that anymore. I doubt there is woman alive interested in becoming instant mother of six." Radek noted that his English was slipping. It was a sure sign that he was tired. He continued on more soberly, "But seriously, Carson, this lab worries me. The database indicates that this is one of dozens across city. Will this happen every time we come across one? Or did the Colonel and Rodney trigger something? And on top of this we find out city has AI that tries to talk to Colonel. Did AI start lab? If so, why? The babies, they died." Radek stopped and ran a hand through his thinning hair. So many questions, and no satisfactory answers as yet.

Carson looked back at him somberly. "Aye. They did." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Radek. I don't have any of the answers that you need. The best thing I can tell you is to ask Colonel Sheppard if he'll talk to Atlantis for you."

Radek snorted. "Colonel Sheppard is not happy with city at moment. I do not blame him, either. Sheppard says is very difficult to interpret images that city shows. The fact that it took over an hour for him to get information you or I could have traded in under five minutes confirms it. He could ask, yes, but there's no guarantee we'll understand answer. If we can even get him to talk to city at moment."

* * *

John gave up trying to read his book. His own question had haunted him for two days now since Zelenka brought his concerns up and he had to ask. _Atlantis?_

affirmation: image of John

He sighed and went for broke. _Why did you want babies?_

image of empty corridors: statement

John's brow furrowed in confusion. _But you have the expedition now. Aren't we good enough?_

pause: image of Hive ships over Atlantis: image of Ancients evacuating overlaid with image of expedition evacuating: statement

He scrubbed his face with a hand. This wasn't making a whole lot of sense to him. There was no way the city could defend the babies if the Wraith came. _The Wraith would eat the babies too, you know. Unless you're holding out on some defense capability on me._

pause: affirmation: image of wraith feeding on infant: image of empty drone launchers: statement

John huffed. So much for his hope that the city had another defense that they didn't know about. _Then why, dammit?_

image of empty corridors: statement

He rolled his eyes. _I get it. You're lonely._

affirmation: image of empty corridors

John started getting pissed again. _You're insane, you know that?_

confirmed

John blinked. _Wait, what? You're agreeing with me?_

confirmed : AI program corrupted: memory overwrite error: program overwrite error: protective subroutine error: logic failure: danger to inhabitants alert: maintenance required:

John's mouth dropped open. Sonofabitch.

* * *

Radek was already tapping madly on his laptop when Rodney came running in to join him and the Colonel.

"Rodney? Do you have Nathan...strapped to you?" Sheppard said, sounding confused.

Radek looked up to see Rodney wearing what appeared to be some sort of baby sling. Baby sling? Rodney? Radek's typing slowed somewhat as he watched in wonder.

Rodney gave Sheppard his usual 'you're stupid' look. "It's an Athosian baby carrier. Teyla gave it to me." He adjusted the straps and settled Nathan more comfortably to his chest.

Sheppard looked bemused. "I thought Nathan was staying in the infirmary."

Rodney mumbled something indistinct into his chest and wrapped one hand around the carrier to hold the baby close as he bent down over his laptop. Radek stopped typing entirely so he wouldn't miss the show.

"What was that?" Sheppard insisted, "I didn't quite catch what you said."

Rodney stood back up, looking at Sheppard in disgust and snapped, "I said, more touching and cuddling makes babies smarter and better adjusted. I don't want my kid to be an idiotic psychopath, okay?"

Sheppard's face opened up with the softest smile Radek had ever seen. "You make such a good mommy, Rodney," Sheppard said fondly.

"Shut up," Rodney said distractedly, gazing down at the baby and fiddling with its wayward hair. "He reminds me of my cat when he's asleep."

Sheppard wandered over to stand just behind Rodney to look over his shoulder down at the baby. He reached a hand around Rodney to gently brush the baby's head with the tips of his fingers. "All boneless and warm?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," Rodney wrapped his free hand around the baby so that both arms were surrounding Nathan in the carrier and buried his nose in the baby's hair. "He's fuzzy, too," Rodney murmured.

Sheppard's hand dropped to rest on Rodney's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Radek was astonished. It was like a scene from that American painter, what was his name? Norman Rockdale? No, Norman Rockwell. If he had to stare at this much longer he was going to go into sugar shock. He cleared his throat noisily and watched as the two men before him startled, separated and gave each other funny looks. Radek clapped his hands together and said briskly, "I have found the areas of the database containing the AI programs. We shall see if we can find the errors Colonel Sheppard detected and fix them, yes?"

Rodney snapped back to his default setting of irritating. "Yes, yes, let's go," Rodney stated, pulling up a stool and attacking his laptop with fervor. "What exactly did Atlantis say to you again, Sheppard?"

Sheppard, who had continued looking at Rodney with a confused expression on his face, blinked. "Um," he said, "Let me think. I think the exact wording was 'AI program corrupted, memory overwrite error, program overwrite error, protective subroutine error, logic failure, danger to inhabitants alert, maintenance required.'"

Radek looked at him, puzzled. "It came through as words? I thought you only got picture impressions."

Sheppard shrugged. "Up until now, yeah. This is the first time a communiqué from Atlantis has actually translated out into real words. It was kinda weird, actually. It felt more...primitive. Or something."

Rodney snapped his fingers and looked up from his laptop. "Radek, the programming of this thing is like layers of an onion. They could be the accretions of several millennia of coding. The error messages could be coming from the root program in the center, from an older operating system. That could be why Sheppard got actual words."

Radek's brain lit up as he got what Rodney was driving at. "You could be correct." He burrowed back into his laptop, pulling up and setting parameters on a program to search the Ancient database. "This would save us a great deal of time if we are able to narrow our search pattern." Radek waited a moment, and the program scrolled up the information he was hoping that it would find. "Yes," he hissed in satisfaction. "Rodney, I have it. See this subdirectory?" Radek said, pointing to his screen.

Rodney glanced over to Radek's screen, then rapidly brought up the same subdirectory on his laptop. "Yes, yes, I see. Huh. Interesting."

Radek got lost in the challenge of solving the problem with Rodney. He didn't hear Sheppard leave.

* * *

John sat on the floor of the lab, staring at the active gestational chambers. God, Rodney. John scrubbed his face with one hand. He shouldn't be thinking these things about his buddy. He shouldn't want to wrap his arms around Rodney. He shouldn't want to kiss him. He shouldn't want to...he shouldn't. John curled up into a ball and rested his forehead on his knees.

_image of John: query_

John winced. Dear god, not now. _Go away._

pause: query

John gave a sigh that was half a sob. _Really. I don't want to talk right now._

pause: pause: image of John shouting overlaid by image of Atlantis: query

Yes. No. Shit, I don't know. I want to be alone right now. Go away. Please. John's stomach had started clenching up again. This place was probably going to give him an ulcer soon. Crap, now he was sounding like Rodney.

_pause: affirmation_

John felt Atlantis back off. He had to get a hold of himself. Someone could come into the lab at anytime and he needed to look like a Colonel, not some piss-ass weenie. Suck it up, John. He took a few deep calming breaths and sat back up, uncurling to lean against the console. He stared at the gestational chambers some more. One baby here. Five more on the way. Six lost due to some goddamned programming errors. A dozen infants that were his and Rodney's. Jesus.

There was the sound of a throat clearing at the doorway and John turned to see Dr. Beckett standing at the threshold. "Hello, Colonel. I didn't want to startle you. You looked like you were pretty deep in thought."

John gave an unamused snort. "I'd hardly call the gerbil currently spinning the wheel in my brain deep thought, Carson."

Carson smiled and walked over to join John on the floor. "And would that gerbil be saying, 'What the bloody hell am I going to do with six babies?' "

John slanted a smirk at him. "Something like that."

Carson grinned back at him. "Well it was either that, or 'Oh bloody hell, I've been bred with Rodney McKay, arsehole genius. What do I do now?' "

John felt his smirk slipping at that. He turned away from Carson. "Maybe something like that as well." Shit. He shouldn't have said that. It was giving more away than he wanted to. He felt the weight of Carson's gaze on him.

"Colonel...John. How do you feel about sharing children with Rodney?" Carson asked carefully after while.

John shifted uncomfortably. "Honestly? I never expected to have kids at all."

Carson looked surprised. "How come? You have to beat the ladies off with a stick."

John gave him a pained look. "I do not."

Carson smirked at him. "If you say so." Carson looked at John a minute and then said again, "How come you never thought you'd have children?"

John slumped further down the console and closed his eyes. He hated talking about himself but Carson wasn't going to let this go. "I'm a military brat. My dad was stationed all over the damn world and my mom and I were dragged along with him. I know from personal experience how much it sucks for a family to be constantly moving." He sighed. "I'm career Air Force. I've been stationed on every continent. I wasn't going to inflict that on a family."

"That could get very lonely, son," Carson said sympathetically.

John shrugged. "I'm fine on my own." No he wasn't. He was lonely. He knew it. It was why Rodney was his buddy. Rodney had been another person who pushed people away before they got too close to hurt, too. He was safe. Well, he used to be safe. The way Rodney clung to Nathan had changed things.

"Are you really?" Carson said dubiously.

John looked at him. "Aren't you getting into Heightmeyer's turf?"

"Not really. I'm not taking any notes," Carson said with an amused quirk to his mouth. The quirk went away as he continued, "No man is an island, John."

John huffed a small laugh. Oh, but he was. Until Atlantis had built a land bridge named Nathan to connect him to Rodney. Damn.

"John, I'll ask again. How do you feel about fathering children with Rodney?" Carson asked. "I've noticed that you've not interacted much with Nathan."

John shifted uncomfortably again. "Rodney's pretty much claimed him. I don't need to get in the way of that."

"John," Carson said in an exasperated tone, "there are five more coming down the pike and Rodney can't possibly take care of all of them by himself. He's not taking care of Nathan by himself. He's asked for, and gotten, help. Nathan is your son too. Where are you in all this?"

John stared at the floor. Longing? Jealous? Freaked out? All of the above and unable to admit any of it, actually, he thought to himself.

"John," Carson said sharply.

"I don't know," John replied quietly. He wanted a family. He wanted Nathan. He wanted all the babies, even the ones that had died, dammit. He just didn't know if he could have them if Rodney was attached to the package. He wanted some of the love that Rodney poured onto Nathan to splash onto him as well. He was pretty sure that it wouldn't. It seemed easier to let go of the infants than to deal with stuffing down inappropriate feelings towards Rodney that seemed intent on exploding out of him.

"I think you care, John. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here with the wee ones who are waiting to be born." Carson reached out and gave John's shoulder a squeeze. "Spend some time with Nathan and Rodney. Rodney is willing to share, especially since Nathan's yours as well." Carson added intently, "You're allowed to want a family too."

John tried to smile, but his face was having none of it and grimaced instead. "Sure thing, doc."

Carson gave him a companionable slap on the shoulder. "Now move along with you. You two are friends at least, so that should make it easier." John sighed to himself. He couldn't tell Carson how so not easy it was. Carson continued, "I've got wee ones to run scans on here, you'll just get in the way. Off with you now."

John sighed again and stood up, "Yeah. See you later, doc," and headed out the door.

* * *

This morning's briefing left Dr Weir feeling bemused as she listened to Rodney and Radek trip over each other verbally as they battled to be the first to finish describing what they had found concerning the AI's programming errors. She was starting to get lost in the technobabble at this point though, so she held up a stilling hand. "Gentlemen. Back up and sum up for me please. I don't have a degree in computer engineering and programming."

Rodney and Zelenka both blinked. "Oh...sorry Elizabeth," Rodney said. "What we were saying is that subsequent layers of programming laid over top of the original program caused errors. Instead of going back and fixing the problem where it originated, the Ancients would program a patch to slap over top of it." Rodney stopped and looked smug for a moment. "Much like Microsoft. Anyway, over time these patches have compromised the integrity of the original programming, particularly affecting one of the original routines that acted much like Isaac Asimov's Law of Robotics. Um, you do know Asimov's Law of Robotics, don't you?"

Weir blinked in incomprehension. She saw John catch her puzzled look. He leaned back in his chair, lifted an ironic eyebrow and began to recite, "One, A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Two, A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. Three, A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law."

Rodney gaped at John and then thrust an accusing finger at him. "Why the hell don't you have a PhD in physics or something like that?"

John smirked back. "I had to read Caves of Steel for high school English."

"Oh, and you always memorized the stuff you had to read in high school!" Rodney shot back, waving a hand dismissively.

John shrugged nonchalantly. "I can't help that I have good memory retention for what I read, Rodney."

"Oh, yeah, right," Rodney snorted. "Admit it, Sheppard. You? Are a closet geek."

"I admit nothing, Rodney," John said, looking like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

As amusing as this was, they were getting off track. "Gentlemen? If we could get back on track, please?" Weir said, noting out of the corner of her eye that Radek gave a slight pout to the end of the floor show. She made a mental note to request more soccer and hockey recordings on the next Daedalus run, particularly of Czech teams. Radek obviously deserved more entertainment options if this was the best he could do at the moment.

Rodney cleared his throat and continued, "Anyway, in order to fix the problem, we need to fix the underlying program problems and reboot the system."

Carson heaved a sigh of relief. "Well, that sounds simple enough."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Simple in concept, yes. Simple in execution? Not so much. Rebooting the programming requires a password that we don't have. We're going to have to hack around it, and that's going to take time."

Radek interjected, "Not to mention being dangerous. The AI could interpret our hacking as an attack on the system, which in essence it is, really. There's no way to predict how it will respond."

"Also, the AI will in essence 'die' when we reboot," Rodney said with air quotes. "Its memories of its experiences will be erased in the reboot and it will essentially be starting over as a new 'personality', if you will. We don't have a clue as to how it will react to the threat of that."

Weir frowned. "Do we have to do this?" She didn't want anyone put at risk if she could avoid it.

"Yes, we do," Radek replied. "The incident in the baby lab is just the tip of the iceberg. The potential for much worse happening to the expedition is still there. The AI's... personality is dangerously unbalanced due to these programming errors."

Rodney nodded. "Radek is right, Elizabeth. We can't just ignore this and hope that the AI doesn't spaz out on us again."

Weir pondered the decision. Radek was nothing if not cautious. If he agreed with Rodney that it was necessary for the overall safety of the expedition, the threat from the malfunctioning AI must be very real. She turned to John. "Colonel Sheppard, what do you think? What's your assessment?"

John sat up straight and leaned on the conference table. "It was the one that confirmed that it was insane in the first place, Elizabeth. If we don't do anything to fix it, you'd better hope that all of our wills are updated, just in case it decides to do something stupid."

Weir nodded sharply. "Very well, then. Dr. McKay, Dr. Zelenka," she said, looking at the men, "Start your preparations for fixing the AI. Keep me apprised of your progress. I want to know in advance before you decide to hack the password. I'd like to get all non-essential personnel out of Atlantis before you start that, just in case."

* * *

Carson was surprised when Rodney's door opened up to show Ronon standing in the doorway. "Uh, hello Ronon. Is Rodney in?"

Ronon as usual, was succinct. "Yeah." He stepped to the side and jerked his head in what Carson took to be an invitation to come in.

"Um, thank you," Carson said, bobbing his head toward Ronon and stepping inside Rodney's quarters. Once inside, he saw Teyla sitting in what appeared to be a rocking chair, holding Nathan with a serene expression on her face. Carson smiled at her. "Hello, Teyla. Where's Rodney?"

Teyla nodded towards the bathing area. "He is taking a shower. He was just about to step in when Ronon and I arrived with this chair that Halling made for him. He asked us to stay and watch Nathan while he cleaned up."

"Ah." Carson nodded. "What would he have done with Nathan if you weren't here?"

"Showered with him," Ronon rumbled from his perch on Rodney's desk. "That's what he usually does."

Carson's eyebrows flew into his hairline. It seemed these past couple of weeks that Rodney hardly ever put the baby down except to hand it over to someone else's arms. He'd never in a million years have imagined the grumpy arse being so attached to a baby. He'd even learned how to change nappies with less than the usual amount of dramatics about germs and unsanitary conditions being harmful to his supposedly delicate health.

"Rodney has become a very devoted parent, I believe," Teyla said. "I would not have expected it of him, initially."

"Well, that's Rodney for you," Carson commented, sitting on the edge of Rodney's bed. "Always a surprise."

Rodney stepped out of the bathroom, wearing a faded green t-shirt and grey sweatpants, hair damp and rumpled. "Oh, hi Carson. I thought I'd heard you here. Did you bring more formula? I'm down to the last two bottles of the stuff, and Nathan's a hungry boy." He went over to Teyla, carefully picked up the baby out of her arms and settled it against his broad chest, brushing his lips against Nathan's forehead.

Carson grinned and produced a large bag of dry formula from the inside of his uniform jacket which he set on the bed. "Here you go, Rodney. It's obvious that Nathan got your appetite."

"Oh, ha ha," Rodney shot back, taking a seat in the rocking chair Teyla had vacated and invited him to sit in. "Wow. This is nice, Teyla. Um, thank Halling for me, will you?" he said, looking a bit bashful at the present.

Teyla nodded graciously. "I will convey your thanks to Halling next time I see him, Rodney. He will be most happy to know that his present pleases you."

"Um, okay," Rodney looked ruffled as Teyla bent down to kiss his cheek. So, Teyla wasn't immune to the charms of a man holding a baby either. Carson had noticed that since Rodney had started carting the baby around, a significant portion of the expedition's female personnel got moony-eyed as he walked by. Not that the aggravating man ever noticed.

Carson leaned back on his arms and said, "All you need is Sheppard and you could have a team party here." He caught Ronon and Teyla tensing slightly and Rodney scowling outright.

"Right. As if that would happen. Sheppard seems to be allergic to babies," Rodney ground out, obviously angry. Nathan stirred and whimpered in his tensed arms and Rodney rapidly made an attempt to loosen up, rubbing the baby's back soothingly.

Carson tilted his head in Rodney's direction. "I don't think he's allergic, Rodney. I caught him the other night watching over the other wee ones in the baby lab. He was looking pretty lost in there. I think he's a bit overwhelmed by it all."

"Well so am I. But I at least have the presence of mind to spend time with Nathan rather than sitting around gazing at my navel," Rodney shot back, not mollified in the least.

Carson grimaced. Rodney would be bloody difficult about this. "That's not all, Rodney. I spoke with him and I get the impression that he's reluctant to interfere with your claim on Nathan."

Rodney snorted. "He's not a possession, and he's not just mine. He's Sheppard's son too and the idiot has touched the baby exactly once and hardly looked at him since then."

Carson sighed, leaned forward and rubbed the back of his neck. "Listen to me, Rodney. I watched John for a bit before I alerted him to the fact that I was there. He was staring at those babies like a starving man staring at a banquet he's not allowed to eat. He wants the wee ones, Rodney, but somewhere down the line he's decided that he's not allowed to have them."

Rodney grimaced and rolled his eyes at that. "That figures. Sheppard's always such a self-sacrificing bastard. Which means I get to be a single parent. Did I mention he's an idiot?"

Carson leaned back on his hands again. "I tried talking to him. I encouraged him to visit you and Nathan." He sighed again. "It's obvious that it's going to take him some time to come round though."

Teyla added, "Rodney, I agree with Carson. Concerning personal matters, Colonel Sheppard is very reticent by nature. Perhaps we should give him more time..." The door chime rang over what she was going to say next.

"Acquire one baby and a man's personal quarters suddenly becomes New York Times' Square on New Year's Eve," Rodney grumbled. "Come in!" he shouted.

The door slid open to reveal a tentative looking Colonel Sheppard who took one look at everyone and said, "Uh, you having a party?"

* * *

Rodney watched as John became even more hesitant, said, "Um, sorry, I didn't know you were busy. I can come back later," and backed up half a step before Ronon grabbed him by the wrist, hauled him into the room and thunked John into the desk chair. "Whoa!" John exclaimed as he grabbed the edge of the desk to keep from tipping over onto the floor.

"We were just leaving," Ronon stated as he gave Carson and Teyla the stink eye and marched out the door, throwing a perfunctory, "Bye, McKay," over his shoulder.

Carson leapt to his feet and said, "Aye. This was lovely, but I've got to check on Fernandez. She's still got that terrible rash from her last mission, poor lass. Call me if you need anything else, Rodney," and dashed through the door as if his pants were on fire.

Teyla rolled her eyes in Rodney's direction and he grinned back at her in sympathy for Ronon's tactics. She smiled and touched her forehead to Rodney's which still made him uncomfortable even after all this time, but which he'd finally gotten used to doing. Teyla stroked the top of Nathan's head and said, "I will meet you in the mess hall during breakfast to pick up Nathan. Your science division meeting is at 9 am, is it not?"

Rodney nodded. "Yes it is. Thanks, Teyla. See you in the morning."

Teyla gave a nod to John and headed out the door. "Good dreams to you then. Doctor, Colonel."

John rubbed at his Ronon-abused wrist, shot an uncertain look at Rodney, said, "Did my deodorant quit working?" and looked around at the suddenly empty room. "My drill instructor in basic couldn't clear a room this fast."

Rodney couldn't help himself. "As if I could tell over that horrid aftershave that you wear." It was worth it to see the momentary pout John got. "Why are you here, Sheppard?"

John looked at the floor and shuffled his feet. "Um..."

God, he just wanted to poke the idiot with a stick, Rodney thought. "Spit it out, Sheppard, I haven't got all night here. I have to get to bed soon. Nathan's going to wake me up at three am and again at seven wanting to be fed. I need all the rest I can get when the Wraith aren't coming to eat me."

John got that tentative look again and jerked a chin toward Nathan. "Um, does he really want to eat every four hours?"

Well finally. It was about time John started showing interest in the baby. "Either that or have his diaper changed. Mainly all he's interested in right now is eating, pooping and sleeping. Mostly sleeping." Rodney said, rubbing the baby's back in what he hoped was an enticing fashion.

"Sleeping, huh?" John said, rubbing the back of his head, looking shy and uncertain.

"Yep. Like a hibernating grizzly," Rodney stated. Come on, John, don't be so pathetic that I have to offer to let you hold him. Maybe if I shift him around like he's heavy, Rodney thought and moved Nathan from his chest to the crook of his arm.

John leaned forward almost longingly to look at Nathan's slumbering face. "A grizzly, huh? Most mommies call their babies sweet little angels when they sleep."

Rodney lifted the collar of his t-shirt away from his chest with his free hand and pointedly looked down the inside of his shirt and back up at John. "I'm not like other mommies," he said crisply, letting the collar snap back.

John got a devilish look on his face, opened his mouth as if to say something, then abruptly snapped it shut as his ears turned beet red and he hung his head to stare at the floor.

What the fuck just happened? Rodney wondered. Christ, at the rate John the blushing flower of Atlantis was going, Nathan would be getting his second PhD and he'd still be waiting for John to ask if he could hold the baby. Well, screw the subtle method. "Sheppard, are you, or are you not, here to ask if you can hold the baby?" Rodney demanded.

John's head shot up and he blinked for a moment. "Uh...yes?" He said confusedly.

Jesus, if he didn't know better, he'd swear that John was a natural blond at this moment. Rodney got up out of the rocking chair and marched over to a wary looking John. "Make your arms into a cradle." Rodney ordered softly, and he watched as John's ears pinked up again and he scrubbed sweaty palms against his pants before raising his arms into position. Rodney then gently slid Nathan into John's arms, stepped back and hoped for the best.

Nathan snuggled more closely into the warmth of John's chest and John's whole body suddenly visibly relaxed. John stared at the baby for a while, then finally murmured, "He really is cute, isn't he?" his guarded expression falling away into something closer to awe.

Rodney sat on his bed with a feeling of satisfaction that John had finally gotten his head out of his ass and grinned. "Yes. Very. We apparently make cute babies. Maybe Atlantis isn't entirely nuts, after all."

John smiled shyly at him and hunched over to bury his nose into Nathan's cowlicks.

* * *

John flopped onto his bed feeling utterly confused and frustrated. He was surprised at how much he'd enjoyed holding Nathan. It had finally sunk in that he had a son. Wow didn't even begin to cover it. Being a father was so far different from what he'd thought his life would be like that he just didn't know what to think. The frustrated part originated from his feelings for Rodney. He was thankful again that he had a habit of wearing what Rodney termed 'clown pants'. They made it easier to hide the fact that he had a boner when he left Rodney's quarters earlier. John scrubbed at his face and wished that Rodney had not called attention to his chest with his "I'm not like other mommies" comment. John had spent a lot of time repressing just how much he liked Rodney's chest. He'd come way too close tonight to making some lewd comment about Rodney's nipples and he just didn't want to go there for fear of the fallout. He didn't need to lose his friendship with Rodney due to some inappropriate feelings on his part if Rodney was straight. Not that he had a clue one way or another.

John knew that his gaydar was for shit. Even worse than his sense of direction on the ground that Rodney kept harping on. He'd learned at a young age from his father that he couldn't afford to be interested in guys if he wanted to fly the good stuff so he'd learned to just not pay attention. And 38 years of age was not the time to start trying to develop it. He sighed wearily. Until now it hadn't been that big a deal. He was raised Catholic and he'd likened it to taking priestly vows. Everything came with a cost, and for the longest time it had seemed to be an acceptable tradeoff.

John rolled over and buried his face in the pillow, ignoring his aching dick and reviewed what relations he had allowed himself to have. There'd been a couple of sweet girlfriends he'd been hopelessly dorky with until they'd wised up and left him when he couldn't bring himself to lie and say that he loved them. Then there were the occasional women who pretty much threw themselves on him. He'd obliged them, mainly to be polite and avoid an embarrassing scene. He'd never figured out how to say no without the woman getting upset, so he didn't even try anymore. He just rolled with it, even though afterwards he always felt stupid and used.

John moaned again and sat up on the edge of his bed, staring down at his socked feet. He was just depressing himself thinking about these things. He couldn't change the past and he had made peace with the idea of being alone a long time ago. Fuck. Why had the surprise appearance of babies made from his and Rodney's DNA made a hash of his life and his right hand a suddenly paltry substitute for real companionship?

_image of John: query_

John heaved a long suffering sigh. _Yes, Atlantis?_ He knew what the question would be. Atlantis asked it every night now.

_image of healthy infant: query_

Yes, Atlantis, Nathan is fine. Doing just dandy. Try to take him away from Rodney and he will blow you to hell and gone. John was still feeling vindictive towards the AI. And Rodney really did remind him of a dragon guarding its hoard with the way he never put Nathan down. He'd found out tonight that Nathan slept in Rodney's bed with him. Rodney had called it 'family sleeping' and had spouted on about some research had indicated that it was beneficial to children and allowed the parents a bit more sleep. And that Ronon and Teyla had both told him to do it, which John thought actually held more weight with Rodney than any soft science research.

_affirmation: image of Rodney holding Nathan_

Good. John thought back. _Anything else you want to chat about?_ Any other nasty surprises up your sleeve to screw up my life even more? He thought privately.

_pause: affirmation: image of John holding on to Rodney's shoulder: query_

Yes, I like Rodney. Now what was on the crazy assed machine's mind? John thought, puzzled. There was a brief burst of just the dog whistle buzz.

_negation: image of Beckett and Cadman kissing overlaid by image of John holding on to Rodney's shoulder: query_

John got it now. _That is none of your damn business,_ he snapped back. His stomach tightened as he thought of something and added, _And if you try to get us together in that way, I swear I will help Rodney blow you to hell and gone! You've done enough damage. Knock it off! Now!_

confirmed : AI access to physical interactive programming disabled for maintenance: danger to inhabitants alert stand down: maintenance required:

John blinked. He'd turned off the one thing that they were most worried about by getting pissed off at the AI and telling it knock it off? Sonofabitch. He wasn't even touching a console. How'd he do that?

John clicked his radio on. "Dr. Zelenka this is Sheppard, do you read?"

"Yes Colonel. What may I do for you?" came Zelenka's voice over the radio.

"You know the possibility you mentioned to me of the AI doing something else to us without permission?" John asked.

"You have figured a solution?" Zelenka said sounding hopeful.

"I think I just shut down the programming that enables it to do that kind of stuff."

John heard Zelenka mutter some excited Czech before he took a breath and said, "Can you tell me exactly what happened? Did you get another actual word message from the core program?"

"Yeah, I did get another word message. It said confirmed, AI access to physical interactive programming disabled for maintenance, danger to inhabitants alert stand down, maintenance required," John recited.

John heard a brief flurry of typing on Zelenka's end and then, "Yes! You did it! This makes it much safer for us to fix the AI now, Colonel. How did you figure out how to do this?"

John shook his head to himself. "Would you believe by accident?"

Zelenka chuckled. "Actually, I would. How did you do it?"

"I got pissed at it and told it to knock off trying to do stuff to us."

"What were you touching?" Zelenka asked.

"Not a damn thing. That's the weird part," John replied, puzzled. He heard Zelenka hmming thoughtfully on the other end of the com line.

"Colonel, after we have fixed this problem, perhaps we should experiment to see how much city responds to you," Zelenka replied.

John moaned. This was why he didn't like talking about Atlantis to the science geeks. They always tried to turn him into a damn guinea pig.

"You said the AI pissed you off. Was it going to attempt something else?" Zelenka asked, sounding concerned.

"It was asking funky questions," John replied. "I don't know if it was actually planning anything, but I got some uncomfortable ideas of what it might do. So I got pissed at it. I'm just glad that this program disablement kicked in because of it."

"Yes. Let us not look at gifted horses," Zelenka replied. "Thank you, Colonel. I will inform Rodney and Dr. Weir of the news. You have good night."

"Night, Dr. Z," John replied as he turned off his radio and tossed it on the nightstand.

He scratched violently through his hair for a moment, then looked down at his still hard dick. Nope, not going away on its own tonight, even with the depressing thoughts and freaky conversations with crazed computer equipment. He sighed, stripped off his socks, then stood and stripped off everything else with brutal efficiency, tossing items in the hamper. John then grabbed his towel and headed for the shower.

The shower came on as he stepped inside, warm water flowing over his tense and weary shoulders. John sighed and leaned against one of the walls for a moment, letting the water beat down on him like rain. He then reached over for the bar of soap and quickly and efficiently washed the day's sweat off. Grabbing the shampoo, he then did his hair, cursing momentarily when he got some in his eyes. Finally clean, he turned the heat of the water up a notch, leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and took himself in hand.

He started slowly, stroking the whole length, picturing Rodney. Those flashing hands, that animated mouth. He sighed, remembering how Rodney looked sucking pudding off a spoon. The heat that poured off of Rodney's body as he leaned over John to fix the Jumper. Finally relaxing in the heat, John started to pick up speed, wanting, wishing that there were those hands on his dick, that mouth sucking on the base of his throat. He strained against himself, fucking his slippery wet hand, chanting come on, come on, come on, before the pressure finally peaked and he shot his load against the opposite wall in sharp, short bursts. He opened his eyes and watched as the streaks slowly washed away in the spray, feeling the taste of ashes and dirt in his mouth. It was times like this, when he was stuck on the ground, that he almost hated the fact that he wanted so badly to fly.

* * *

Radek fluttered around the lab, checking on the various teams working on the reprogramming effort. Simpson and Kusanagi were still debating rather heatedly over how to code their section without causing cascading errors in the next three layers up, but that was an improvement over the near tears they had been in a half an hour ago until he'd pointed out a logic error they'd been missing. Radek sighed. The reprogramming effort was taking all of their resources and other projects were languishing, but they could not afford be anything other than dedicated to fixing the AI. Seeing that no one was in need of help at the moment, he took the opportunity to sit at his own workstation and tap a few more lines of code on a section that he was working on. Coding in Ancient was a bitch. Fortunately, they'd found that most of the errors that affected the AI were in the topmost layers of programming. Evidently, during the war with the Wraith, the Ancients had become less concerned with elegant, error free coding and had settled into a good enough for now mind frame when it came to programming in their last years here.

Sheppard wandered into the lab and came over to Radek. "Hey, Dr. Z. Is McKay around?"

Radek looked up at him and pushed up his glasses. He really needed to remember to tighten the screws on them someday. "Rodney ran off to get baby formula. He'd forgotten to pack it in baby sack," he said, jerking a thumb towards a bag slumped in Rodney's workspace. "He should be back momentarily."

Sheppard leaned against a lab table and said, "Thanks. I'll wait for him, if you don't mind."

Radek waved a hand dismissively saying, "No problem as long as you don't bother Simpson or Kusanagi." He leaned over to Sheppard and whispered, "I think it is that time of month."

Sheppard raised his eyebrows knowingly. "Ah. Been a bad day?"

Radek gave him an evil grin and said, "It got better once I liberated some of McKay's chocolate stash. For the greater good of the expedition of course. Once it dawned on him what I needed it for, he even quit complaining."

Sheppard nodded sagely. "That's because he's a genius," he drawled and grinned back at Radek.

Rodney came bustling in, wearing a backpack and Nathan strapped to his front in the carrier. "Ah, Sheppard, there you are. Here, dump this with the baby bag would you?" he said, shucking the backpack and shoving it in Sheppard general direction. Sheppard rolled his eyes, took the pack and pitched it the two feet it needed to go.

"Why'd you ask me to meet you here, Rodney?" Sheppard asked, tapping his fingers on the lab table.

Rodney extricated Nathan from the carrier and walked over to Simpson and Kusanagi. "You two," he snapped. "Stop whatever you're doing and take a baby break for a minute or two." He handed Nathan over to Miko who took him gingerly and with eyes as wide as saucers. "Go googoo or something at him," Rodney ordered. He turned around and headed back toward Sheppard, stripping the carrier off his chest. "You're going to take care of Nathan today. Teyla had to go to the mainland for an emergency, Ronon's off-world with Colquitt's team, and Carson's dealing with something infectious that's filling up the infirmary that I'm _not _going to expose Nathan to."

Radek watched with amusement as Sheppard blinked for a moment and said, "I am?"

Rodney rolled his eyes as he manhandled the carrier onto the stunned colonel. "Are you sure you're not a blond?" he said sarcastically. "Yes, you are going to take care of _our_ son Nathan today. I checked with Elizabeth and there's nothing on your duty roster that can't wait till tomorrow."

Sheppard stared down at the baby carrier. "Um, okay?" he said with a slight wince as Rodney tightened the last strap a little over-enthusiastically. Radek quickly put a hand over his mouth and pretended to be caught up in something on his computer to keep from laughing.

Rodney went over to his lab desk, pulled open a drawer, and pulled out a chocolate bar. He then marched over to the quiet and wary Simpson and Kusanagi, slapped the bar down between them on their table and said, "Thank you for the babysitting time. Hand him over." with an impatient beckoning wave of his hand. Miko handed Nathan over with exaggerated care and breathed a visible sigh of relief once the baby was safely back in Rodney's arms. Rodney eyed the chocolate bar and then the two of them, and stated, "It's the good stuff. Don't waste it. Get back to work." Simpson and Kusanagi dove for the safety of their laptops as Rodney turned back and marched up to Sheppard. He leaned in close and whispered, "It's that time of the month."

Sheppard blinked and went, "Oh." He blinked again as Rodney then proceeded to wrestle the baby back into the carrier.

"Hmph," Rodney huffed. "It's harder to do this when you're not the one wearing it. Hold still a second, Sheppard," he said as he grabbed the colonel and manhandled him and the carrier at the same time to jiggle the baby into a position he was satisfied with. Radek bit his lip and pinched the bridge of his nose to contain his mirth at Sheppard's flummoxed expression. The poor man looked like he'd been hit with a board.

"Um, Rodney?" Sheppard finally said once he'd been released by Rodney, ears glowing pinkly. " Are you sure you want me taking care of Nathan? I'm pretty sure of which end the diaper is supposed to go on, but that's about it."

Rodney looked smug as he whipped a CD out of the backpack. "Got you covered, Colonel. One user's manual for the care and maintenance of babies." He pointed to the spare chair next to the baby bag and back pack. "Have a seat, pull up a laptop and start reading."

Sheppard gave Rodney an opaque look for a long moment, then took the CD from his hand. He then grabbed a laptop, plopped into the chair, adjusted the baby carrier a bit, and opened the laptop. With a suppressed sigh he opened the CD case, loaded the disc into the computer and started to read.

Rodney rocked on his heels with a satisfied expression on his face for a moment, then turned to his computer and buried himself in his work.

Radek took one last look at Sheppard reading the disc with a long suffering expression on his face before turning and trotting off to the restroom. Once there, Radek finally let loose, draping himself over the Ancient version of sinks and laughing himself sick.

* * *

John escaped from the lab as soon he could, with baby, CD, laptop, backpack and baby bag in tow. He felt like a pack animal. And women carried all this around all the time? Well, maybe not the laptop. But still, even without the laptop, this was a hell of a lot of stuff. He'd almost made it back to his quarters when he ran into Lorne.

"Hi sir. Looks like McKay roped you into baby duty," Lorne said, cheerfully.

John lifted a sardonic eyebrow. "Apparently." Then he grinned. "If Rodney carries even half this stuff around all the time, I don't think I need to worry about him missing his PE anymore."

Lorne laughed and said, "My sister swears she gained ten pounds of muscle after the birth of her first from lugging all the crap around."

John chuckled along with him. Seriously, carrying around all this junk was giving him a whole new appreciation of mothers. "Let me know if anything important happens while I'm on baby duty, will you?"

Lorne threw him a sloppy salute and said, "Sure thing, Colonel Mom."

John rolled his eyes. "You like KP, don't you, Lorne?"

Lorne gave him a thumbs-up as he started to head down the hallway. "The head cook's a real hottie."

John laughed again and shook his head. "Later, Lorne," he said, stepping through the door into his quarters.

Dumping his load onto the bed, he sat down next to it, and worked Nathan carefully out of the carrier. That done, he laid Nathan in his lap while he wormed his way out of the carrier. "Hey, little buddy, you know I have no idea what to do with you, don't you?" he said fondly at a fist-chewing Nathan. "You're a bit young for my Gameboy, football, or scary stories yet." An unmistakable odor drifted up to his nose. John looked at Nathan in horror. "Hey! That wasn't an invitation to give me something to do!"

Nathan waved a slobbery fist at him and burbled.

John firmed his lips. Rodney had managed to learn how to change diapers and he certainly wasn't going to be out done by Dr. Hypochondria. It was just a little poop and pee. Not like cleaning an elephant cage or anything. Right. He could do this.

"Okay, Little Bear, let's see if we can find the diapers." He rooted around in the baby bag first and came up with all the baby changing accouterments Rodney's highly descriptive and explicit manual had said to use. He laid Nathan on his bed for a moment while he laid out the equipment on the floor so he'd have room to work. He then deposited the baby on the changing towel, unpinned the diaper with exaggerated care and pulled the soiled diaper away and cleaned Nathan up with a baby wipe, sternly reminding himself that the Wraith were much grosser than baby poo. He leaned back on his heels to grab the clean diaper at his side when he suddenly felt something warm and wet hit him in the center of his chest.

John blinked and looked down at his shirt, which was now drenched in baby pee. "Wow. The manual said nothing about this happening." John blinked again. "Jeez, perfect heart shot, too."

Nathan contently blew a spit bubble.

John hastened his efforts to re-diaper Nathan, and once he'd put everything away, changed his shirt and had Nathan snuggled in the crook of an arm, radioed Rodney.

"Rodney?" John drawled.

"McKay here. Nathan okay, Sheppard?" Rodney replied.

"Nathan's fine, Rodney. However, I have an issue with that manual of yours."

"There's nothing wrong with my manual, Sheppard. Even a toad could follow my instructions," Rodney said crisply.

"It's not the directions that are the problem, Rodney," John said with a slight amount of exasperation.

"Then what is it?" Rodney snapped.

"You could have written a warning that Nathan was a sharp shooter with his garden hose," John said with pout.

There was a moment of silence on the air before Rodney started giggling madly.

"Not helping here, McKay!" John growled.

Rodney giggled some more before catching his breath and asking, "Where'd he get you, Colonel?"

John's lips twitched in amusement through his irritation. "Perfect heart shot to the chest."

Rodney strangled some more laughter. "Consider yourself lucky. The first time my father changed my diaper, I got him in the eye."

John got a visual of that image and burst out laughing. "You didn't!"

Rodney was giggling again. "Oh, yes I did."

"Only you could be that precocious at pissing people off," John sniggered.

Rodney giggled a bit more and then said, "For future reference? Toss a spare diaper over the weapon while the safety's off to prevent friendly fire."

John laughed until his sides hurt. "Gotcha," he gasped finally.

Rodney gave another quick giggle and said, "Now if you'd excuse me, I have some real work to do here and not enough monkeys to do it with. Later, Sheppard."

"Later Rodney," John chuckled, and clicked off the radio. He looked down at their son, once again drowsing, and whispered very softly to him, "I love your mommie. He makes me laugh."

* * *

A few days later Rodney waved goodbye to Teyla and a loudly unhappy Nathan as she left to get Nathan a bottle, and pointed out the correct room of the new quarters for the marine to dump the last box in as John came storming into the living room.

"Rodney," John grated out through his teeth, "why have these marines emptied out my quarters and moved all my stuff in here?"

Rodney watched out of the corner of his eyes as marines scuttled out the door to safety, away from their pissed off commanding officer. And they called themselves macho. Hah. "Because you're moving in here in order to help take care of the kids more easily," Rodney replied calmly.

John's eyes narrowed. "I don't recall having this conversation with you, McKay."

"You didn't," Rodney replied.

John's crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Then why the hell is my stuff gone from my quarters?"

Rodney heaved a big sigh. So John was going to be stupid about it. Fine, he'd educate the man. "Hello, the baby's name is Nathan _Sheppard_-McKay, you idiot," he said sarcastically. John blinked. Rodney continued ruthlessly, "Baby number two is due out any day now. Babies number three through six will show up more quickly than we'd like to think. Dealing with Nathan is exhausting enough. More than just him around requires more people around to care for the babies. You are the other genetic parent of all these bundles of joy. You feel responsible for them and would move in to help anyway, eventually. Why should I waste my valuable time asking a question that I already know the answer to, hmm?"

John threw up his hands in defeat. "Fine. Fine! I'm moving in. Where's my room?"

Rodney gestured to the door behind him. "Our room is there."

John froze in place and looked at him. "Our room?" he said a moment later in a strangled tone.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Yes, our room. There are only three bedrooms in this place. Teyla has the second bedroom and Ronon has the last bedroom. Unless you want to sleep in the bathtub."

John looked panicked. "Can't I sleep in Ronon's room?"

Oh, for the love of God, Rodney thought. He is such an idiot. "I put you in with me because you always complain about how Ronon tries to kill you in his sleep if you breathe on him accidentally while we're camped out in the field. And I'm not putting you in with Teyla because she'd kill me."

"But what if Caldwell thinks...something?" John asked desperately. "I really want to keep my job, Rodney."

Rodney sighed with irritation. "If Caldwell decides to think something hinky, I'll stick him in the bed between us and make him do the 3am feedings." Rodney's eyes narrowed. "And if he were to think something hinky about the two of us, what makes you think he wouldn't be thinking the same thing if you shared a room with Ronon?"

John covered his face with a hand and wrapped his other arm around his body. "Please tell me there are two beds in there."

"I asked Halling make me a bigger bed so all the babies could sleep in it as well as me and he made it so big it makes a California king look like a cot, so no, just one bed," Rodney replied. "Seriously, you wouldn't believe how long it took just to figure out how to get it in there. It takes four mattresses. It's enormous. I put my prescription mattress on my side, you can sleep on the other side, and the babies are conveniently in the middle."

John groaned. "I'm sleeping on the sofa."

Rodney glared at him. "You are such a homophobic moron."

John's head snapped up at that. "What did you say?" he growled menacingly.

Rodney tilted his chin up. "You heard me."

John's hand shot out, grabbed Rodney by the collar, and yanked him over to John, nose to nose. "Never, never call me that again," John ground out, eyes hot with anger.

Rodney blinked momentarily, then gathered his own anger up. "Why not? If the shoe fits, why not wear it?"

John's fist tightened around Rodney's collar painfully as he shouted, "Because the fucking shoe doesn't fit! I'm gay, god dammit!" John let go of Rodney, slammed a fist through a packing box and stormed out.

Oh, thought Rodney. Oh shit.

* * *

John leaned over the railing and puked a second time. Oh god. I came out of the closet, he thought, shaking. Oh fuck, I came out of the closet to _Rodney_. He slid to the decking of the grounding station and huddled up into a miserable ball, shaking with shock from what he had done, bile sour in his mouth.

Footsteps came up from behind him and Rodney sat down next to him. "Jesus Christ, Sheppard, you look awful!" Rodney exclaimed once he got a good look at John's pale face and shaking body. "Oh, crap, you're in shock. Hold on a second." Rodney quickly stripped off his jacket and wrapped it around John snugly. "Are you going to be okay? Should I call Beckett?" Rodney said concernedly as he pulled John into a hug to try and warm him up.

John felt strangely disconnected from his body and could only shake his head no as his teeth chattered fiercely. The heat of Rodney's body felt like an inferno. John burrowed into the hug and to his horror, started to cry, shaking uncontrollably.

Rodney froze as the tears started to flow from John, but continued to hug him tightly. "Um, I'm sorry," he stammered. "I shouldn't have said that. It was a bad thing to say. And obviously untrue." Rodney paused for a moment, then cautiously started rubbing John on one shoulder as he continued to weep. "I uh, I can see now why you'd be a bit more wary of Caldwell thinking, uh, things."

John continued to weep quietly, helpless to stop himself, the weight of years of stress and loneliness shoving the tears out with a vengeance. Rodney continued to hold him, rubbing one shoulder, silent now. A long while later the tears finally ebbed, and John sat slumped against Rodney, breathing in deep, breathy hiccups, feeling oddly empty.

"You done now?" Rodney asked, hesitant and awkward.

John nodded dully, feeling embarrassed by it all. Rodney reached into a pocket of his jacket and pulled out a wad of tissues. "Blow your nose," He ordered, handing them to John.

John did as ordered and tossed the used tissue into the water.

Rodney let go of John and turned so his back was against the railing to face John. "So. Gay, huh?"

John nodded, staring at the deck. His head felt stuffed and heavy.

"So all the thousands of space bimbettes..." Rodney started.

John sighed and said tiredly, "There were three, Rodney. Just three."

Rodney winced. "You're right. Those three women. Just to keep up the macho he-man image?"

John humped up one shoulder in a shrug. "And they were the most persistent."

Rodney's lips thinned. "Chaya wasn't persistent. You were."

John shrugged again. "I was hoping that she'd change her mind about letting us use her planet for sanctuary."

Rodney nodded. "So you were taking one for the expedition."

John grimaced and nodded a little. "Kinda. It was all glowy and odd. Not like sex at all really."

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the waves slap against the decking. Then Rodney asked "So, do you do the whole freak out thing every time you come out to someone?"

John shook his head, feeling stupid and embarrassed. "Don't know. I've never come out before today."

"Wow," Rodney commented. "That's pretty damn closeted."

John gave a slight smile. "It's a cozy place to curl up with a good book."

Rodney shook his head, then looked down at his hands as he picked at a hang nail.

John drifted, staring out at the ocean waves. He was starting to feel pretty peaceful, until Rodney jolted him out of it with his next question. "So, what do you like doing in bed with guys?"

"Huh?" John blinked and then felt his ears flush. "Rodney!" he protested.

"What? I'm a scientist! I'm curious!" Rodney blustered back.

John scrubbed a hand over his face. "Um..."

"Oh, come on! Even gay, you can't possibly be that kinky," Rodney said.

Oh god. Most humiliating day, ever. This beat the hearing after Afghanistan by miles, John thought. He covered his face with his hands and tried to ignore the question, but heard Rodney's fingers rapping a staccato against the deck, saying as plain as day, Well? I'm waiting, Sheppard. Spit it out. Unfortunately John knew that Rodney would hound him until he got an answer or the Wraith ate them all. "I um...I haven't, actually," he mumbled into his hands finally when it didn't look like anyone was going to save his ass by announcing some kind of emergency over the radio. Might as well make the humiliation complete.

"You haven't what? Had sex with a guy?" Rodney persisted. John felt his ears and face flushed bright red. Rodney apparently noticed because he burst out, "Oh god. You haven't had sex with a guy. You're gay and you've had sex with girls but you haven't had sex with a guy yet and you're thirty eight years old. Oh god, you're a thirty eight year old gay virgin!"

"Jesus, Rodney! Will you please just shut up!" John implored, feeling like complete loser when he heard it phrased that way.

"Sorry," Rodney said contritely. "It's just...it's like me having nothing to eat but lemons, you know?"

John's mouth twisted. Yeah, he could get behind that metaphor.

Rodney sat silent for minute and then asked, "Why?"

John took his hands away from his face and looked at him. "Why what?"

"Why haven't you had sex with a guy yet?"

John dropped his head and gave up. Maybe if he just answered all of Rodney's questions quickly, he might still have a chance of getting through to the end of the day and still have the will to live. "I wanted to fly the good stuff and I was ambitious to advance in the military. I'd joined before Don't Ask Don't Tell came into effect. Back then, the brass hunted you down to toss you out if they just suspected you might be gay, so I didn't and I guess I got used to it. And I'm kind of shy, I guess. I'm not comfortable with the whole cruising thing," he said tonelessly.

"Oh," Rodney replied. "Well, what about before you joined, then?"

"I went to school on military bases," John sighed. "My father would have found out about it." And shot me, he thought.

"Huh," Rodney said. "Anybody in Atlantis you'd like to be with?"

"I'm not good at figuring out who'd be safe to ask," John replied reluctantly.

"You can't tell the gay guys apart from the straight ones?" Rodney gaped.

John hunched into a ball. "No. My gaydar is for shit. I made a point of never learning the difference, since I decided to stick with my right hand. After all, you can't miss what you never had."

"That sucks," Rodney replied sympathetically.

"Tell me about it," John murmured into his knees.

"Well, who would you like to be with if you could have your choice, then?" Rodney asked curiously.

John sighed. He'd told Rodney enough things today that he was screwed anyway. "You," he said, and waved good bye to his will to live.

* * *

Rodney gulped, not really sure whether to believe his ears. John wanted him? He debated briefly demanding that John clarify that statement in excruciating detail, but one look at John's state stopped him. He looked almost as bad as he had when Rodney first came out here. "You're not going to throw up again, are you?" he asked instead. "'Cause if you are, I'll warn you that I tend to sympathy retch when I hear someone barfing, and it feels really disgusting and I so don't want to go there today."

John gave a brittle laugh and swiped at his face with a slightly shaking hand. "No," he said shakily.

Rodney's brain shanghaied his attention back to the fact that John wanted to be with him. As in with him, with him. Not just with him. Rodney's nerves ratcheted up to ask-for-first-date jitters. "Um. This thing," he said, finger fluttering back and forth between the two of them. "This thing you uh, you uh, um...had it for long?"

John looked at his knees again. "I think for a while, maybe, yeah. I was trying not to think about it."

Rodney really wished that John would tell him again to shut the hell up already because the questions kept pouring out of his mouth despite his stunted social manners' weak attempts to tackle the words before they came out. "You really think I'm hot?"

John dropped his forehead to his knees and nodded. Rodney frowned as he saw how beaten John looked. It annoyed him that his mouth could succeed where over sixty Genii had failed. This wasn't good.

Suddenly Rodney's back decided it had had enough of cold decking and railing and started to cramp on him. "Ow! Ow, ow! Owww!" he said, holding onto the sadistic muscle that was trying to drown his brain with pain.

John's head lifted up. "You okay, Rodney?" he asked with a concerned expression.

Rodney waved dismissively at John and hoisted himself up off the deck, grumbling, "Muscle cramp. Ow. Civilized people...ow...should not have to sit on...ow...cold metal decking when they have a perfectly...ow...reasonable chair waiting for them someplace else that's, oh, warmer. Oww." He hissed in pain and stretched out the unhappy muscle, waiting for the cramp to subside so that he could actually walk.

John clambered to his feet and said, "You need anything, Rodney?"

"Yes, I need my jacket back. It's freezing out here. Oohh," Rodney moaned, rubbing at the muscle as it finally gave up its quest to turn Rodney into an invalid.

John handed Rodney his jacket and then stood staring down at his feet with a hand on the back of his neck. "Um..." he started.

Rodney quickly interrupted him, grabbing John's other arm and dragging him back to the doors. "Yes, yes, yes. We've got some stuff to talk about, preferably after we've both had a stiff drink and a nap to deal with all the embarrassment we're both currently suffering from. And I need some Tylenol and some muscle relaxants. My back is killing me and my ass is numb. Let's get back to our quarters and sort it out later. The sun's going down and it's cold out here and I really don't need to develop arthritis at a young age. Not to mention the fact that we still have to unpack our stuff so we actually have someplace reasonable to live in tonight."

John gave a slight smile and nodded his head. "Okay."

"Good, good, let's get out of here before I turn into an icicle and have to wait for the spring thaw," Rodney said briskly, relieved by the smile, thankful that it looked like he hadn't permanently broken John. He lightly shoved John ahead of him through the door. As John went ahead, Rodney thought again, Oh god. John wants me. He thinks I'm hot. What do I do now?

* * *

Next morning Carson looked up from the chart he was holding to see Rodney stalking into the infirmary.

"Carson, can I have a word?" Rodney said coming to a halt in front of him, wringing his hands nervously.

Carson replaced the chart in its holder, turned to the duty nurse and said, "Lisa, lower Robertson's medication ten milligrams. He's having a mild reaction to it, but I'd rather keep him on it till the swelling's gone down some more." He then turned back to Rodney. "Let's go to my office."

Rodney nodded his head spastically going, "Good, good. That's good," and followed after Carson.

Once inside Carson's office, he turned to Rodney and asked curiously, "What do you want, Rodney?" wondering why his friend was so jittery.

"Um, is the door locked?" Rodney stammered, eyes twitching toward the door.

Carson thought the lock shut with a brush of his hand against the door. "It is now. What's got you in a swivet, Rodney?" he asked, sitting down.

Rodney paced the office, wringing his hands. "Um, there's, you see, there's this person that's, who's, well, interested in me."

Carson's eyebrows rose. Maybe the baby vibes had overcome one of those mooning ladies in the expedition. "Go on."

"Well, you see, there's a slight, um, difficulty. This person is, well, not, um, my, uh, usual...type," Rodney continued.

"They're not blonde?" Carson asked, having heard entirely too much about Sam Carter from Rodney. "Kate Brown wasn't blonde either."

Rodney spun on his heels and jabbed a finger in Carson's direction. "You promised to never bring that damn date up ever again!"

Carson made placating gestures. "Sorry, Rodney, sorry. You were saying?"

Rodney resumed his hand wringing and pacing. "Well, yeah, uh, actually this person isn't blonde, well, they have brown hair, and uh, and uh, um, other stuff. As well as missing some, um, well, things."

Carson felt confused. "Care to elaborate on that, son?"

Rodney finally cracked. "Oh for god sake's Carson, it's a guy!" he said, coming to a halt in front of Carson.

Carson gaped. "Who?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Rodney stiffened and crossed his arms. "I, I don't want to say just yet," he stammered, eyes darting all over the office.

Uh oh, Carson thought. There's a problem here. It sounded like it was one of the American soldiers. In a closed society like Atlantis, that could be awkward. "Rodney, sit down." As Rodney stiffly sat in the extra chair, Carson pulled some Glenfiddich from his bottom drawer and poured a couple fingers into two mugs he had on his desk. He pushed one in Rodney's direction and watched as he took a big gulp, then grimaced and coughed a little.

Carson picked up the other and took a sip. Dr. Biro was due in soon anyway. "Why don't you just start from the top and explain how you found out this lad was attracted to you," he said encouragingly.

Rodney flushed furiously and suddenly blurted out, "We were arguing and I called the guy a homophobe and he got mad at me and told me he was gay and I got curious and asked a few questions and one of them was who would he want if he could have any one in Atlantis and he said me and he really thinks I'm hot and oh god Carson what am I going to do?"

Carson blinked a bit. "Erm, is he insisting on a date or something, Rodney?"

Rodney nervously shook his head. "No. No he isn't."

Carson felt confusion creeping up on him again. "Well if he isn't hounding you for attention, why do you need to do anything?"

Rodney stared at his hands nervously rubbing against each other in his lap. "I uh, um, maybe, possibly, um, might be a little uh, well, interested back. Just uh, just a bit."

Carson felt pole-axed. Rodney interested in a man. A man who thought that Rodney was hot. Carson's mind boggled for a while. "Ooookay. Since you say you're interested..."

"Just a little bit. Maybe. I haven't decided yet," Rodney interrupted, wiping sweaty hands on his pant legs.

Right, thought Carson. He continued, "Okay, a bit interested in the lad, do you want me to give you the lecture on safe sex and some supplies?"

"Does it include instruction on the mechanics?" Rodney asked.

Oh dear lord, Carson thought. He felt that vein begin to pound in his forehead. The one that always heralded a headache of epic proportions. Carson took another sip of scotch and rubbed his forehead. "So what you really need is some instructional material on gay sex?"

"That would be good," Rodney nodded, flushing.

"Forgive me for asking, Rodney, but why don't you just ask the lad? He'd probably be more than happy to educate you, if he wants you like that," Carson asked. He really, really didn't want to give Rodney a gay birds and bees lecture.

"I'm sure he would if he weren't really shy and a virgin," Rodney snapped, crossing his arms defensively.

Oh bloody hell. Bloody, bloody hell, Carson thought as his headache kicked into high gear. He sighed, pulled up his laptop, pulled up the information and loaded it onto a disc. "Here you go, Rodney. This has some reading material on gay sexual behavior, the common positions and such-like," he said handing the CD over to Rodney.

"Thanks," Rodney mumbled, embarrassed. He started to get up, but Carson stopped him with another question.

"Is the lad part of the expedition or an Athosian?" Carson was almost sure it was one of the American soldiers, but he still had to ask.

"Um, expedition," Rodney replied.

Carson got up and rummaged in a cabinet. "All the expedition members are clean of sexually transmitted diseases, and all the away teams are tested every time they return. Anybody that gets anything doesn't leave the infirmary until they are clear, so you don't need condoms unless you feel safer with them. And I'd prefer to limit the use of those to folks that actually need the protection, because of supply issues. I'll give you a few and let you decide if you need them or not. You will need a fair amount of lubrication if you decide to engage in anal sex, so you better take this, just in case," he said and deposited a large tube of lubrication along with condoms in Rodney's cringing lap. "Don't be sparing with it. I don't want to see you or your lad in here with any tearing of the anal tissues. And for god's sake, please take it slowly when first inserting a penis in the rectum. The inner anal ring will release in about a minute if you just wait for it to. And make sure your fingernails are cut short to prevent scrapes and that you don't have any hangnails before you put your fingers in the rectum. And wash up with soap afterwards."

Rodney nodded in acknowledgment, looking absolutely mortified.

"Feel free to come ask me if you have any questions," Carson continued. "And tell your lad he can too. This comes under patient confidentiality."

Rodney nodded again, looking, if possible, even more mortified.

"Okay then, off with you. I've got to update Dr. Biro on the status of the infirmary," Carson said, keeping a placid face by sheer force of will. Rodney shot out of the office, clutching the supplies and CD in a white knuckled grip. Carson sat heavily in his chair, grabbed his mug and shot down the contents in one big gulp. After a moment's deliberation, he finished off Rodney's mug as well. It was a bloody waste to chug good alcohol like this, but Carson had decided that at this moment he didn't give a damn.

* * *

John sleepily held Nathan to his bare chest in the moonlit dark, gently stroking his back to cajol the fussing baby back to sleep after feeding and a change. Rodney had been avoiding him for several days now. After he'd told Rodney he was attracted to him, they'd gone back and unpacked their quarters and had the stiff drink and nap, but in the morning Rodney was nowhere to be found for that talk they were supposed to have to clear things up between them. They only saw each other when they switched off with the baby, and Rodney always looked at him with nervous questioning eyes then. John sighed. If he hadn't been so freaked out about telling Rodney that he was gay, then maybe he wouldn't have been stupid enough to answer Rodney's questions. He feared that he'd just ruined their friendship and he dreaded what that meant when it came with dealing with the children. "Little Bear, I think I fucked up with your mommie," John murmured to Nathan. "I wouldn't hurt him in a million years, but I think I've scared him."

John jumped as Teyla asked, "Why do you believe that you have scared Doctor McKay?" as she slid out of the shadows to sit on the couch with John.

"Hi, Teyla. Sorry we woke you," John said quickly, tossing part of a blanket over his lap to cover his boxers. It seemed rude to sit by Teyla in only his underwear. "You know how noisy babies get."

Teyla smiled at him, but would not be deterred. "It is not a problem. Will you not answer my question?"

John sighed. Why had the arrival of Nathan heralded the flaying open of John's private life? "Rodney and I were talking and I divulged a bit of personal information. I think it freaked him out. He may not like me anymore."

Teyla raised an eyebrow at him. "Perhaps he needs time to digest the information. Does it change how he would view you as a person?"

John replied quietly, "A bit, yeah." A lot actually, he thought.

"Would you say that this new information about yourself would make people look upon you a good person or an evil one?" Teyla continued.

John shrugged. "It depends on how people feel about it, I suppose."

Teyla nodded to herself as if something had been confirmed. "Rodney is a man of deep and many feelings, but he will wish to sort through and analyze them all instead of going with what is in his heart. He will need some time to come around to what his heart has been telling him all along."

"If he decides he doesn't want me around anymore, it will cause problems with us raising Nathan and the other children together. And I doubt he'd let us split them between us," John said sadly. He'd become accustomed to the idea of caring for the children and the thought of having to give up the family he so dearly wanted pained him.

Teyla nodded. "Yes, he is very watchful over Nathan. He would dislike greatly not being able to do that to each and every one of them." Teyla touched John's arm gently. "Give him time to think. I do not believe you are an evil man because of some secret you have. All your actions towards those you chose to protect point toward you being a compassionate and honorable man. Good night, John," she said and then rose and went back to her room.

John sighed and got up to put the finally sleeping Nathan back to bed. He went into the bedroom and deposited Nathan on the enormous bed and lay down on top of the covers to watch his son sleep for a little while. He must have fallen asleep, because he awoke to the sound of Rodney coming into the bedroom.

"Oh," John said blearily, looking at Rodney's surprised face, lit only by moonlight. "Rodney. I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep. I'll just get back to the couch now."

John sat up on the bed to leave when Rodney said, "Stop," putting out a halting hand. "Don't leave. I uh, I'm ready to have that talk. The one about what you said a few days ago. About you and me. Us." His hands fluttered back and forth between the two of them.

John stared back at Rodney's nervous face. "Okay. We'll talk." He rubbed the back of his neck with a hand trying to relieve the sudden tension in it. "I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, no. That's okay," Rodney stammered, slowly sitting down on the bed next to John. "I seem to recall having incited the original revelation. And asking a whole bunch of personal questions that I probably shouldn't have." His hands circled deprecatingly.

John relaxed just a tiny bit. At least Rodney wasn't mad at him. He was still uncomfortable though, with how nervous Rodney continued to be. "It makes you nervous though. I'm really sorry for that. I'm not ever going to try anything, if it makes you feel better. I'm used to not acting on the impulse."

Rodney nodded. "I know. I"m sorry I've...that I...haven't been around lately." Rodney looked at his hands twitching in his lap for a moment before looking at John. "I just needed time to think about whether I was...whether we...whether I wanted to do this," he said, and grabbed John's shoulders and pulled him into a kiss.

* * *

Oh my god, John thought. These are the greatest lips in the universe. Lust suddenly raced through John's veins and he parted his lips in an invitation. Rodney's tongue took him up on it, as one of Rodney's hands slid a trail of fire up his shoulder to grasp the back of his neck. John moaned and grabbed Rodney by the waist, dragging him closer to him, desperate to feel more of the heat that Rodney's body produced. Rodney's other hand slipped down John's arm and wrapped itself around John's waist, making John tingle and harden as he was pulled closer to Rodney. But as they surfaced for air, John stopped and asked breathlessly, "Rodney, the baby. Should, should," he stuttered as Rodney bit gently into the side of his neck, "oh, god, oh god, stop, Rodney, I'm asking a question. Should we do this in front of Nathan?"

Rodney pulled back at the question and looked briefly at Nathan, asleep and sucking his thumb. "I'd rather he sees two guys making out than my mother and father screaming obscenities at each other," Rodney said intensely, massaging John's neck with one hand. "Besides which, it's dark and he's too young to care anyway, as long as he gets fed. How about you?"

John breath caught. "Yeah, okay," he whispered. "Kiss me again, then."

Rodney gave him a swift kiss and then a light shove back on onto the bed saying, "Lay on the bed."

John hauled himself to a spot on the bed where they wouldn't disturb Nathan as Rodney crawled up beside him. Once there, Rodney laid on top of John and latched back onto his mouth, sucking on John's tongue. John reached up and grabbed Rodney's biceps, grinding himself against Rodney's warm body. Oh god, John thought, making out with girls never felt this good.

Rodney released John's tongue and returned to his neck, lightly sucking and biting his way down to John's shoulder. John wantonly shoved himself up against the hardness he could feel through Rodney's clothes, panting. Rodney moaned into his neck and shoved back, and John leaned up and nibbled on Rodney's neck. Rodney moaned again.

"Clothes, clothes," Rodney gasped, "I'm wearing too many clothes."

"Okay," John agreed and pulled up on the hem of Rodney's shirt. Rodney lifted up enough for John to pull it over his head and then rolled off John to finish yanking it off his arms. John rolled over to straddle Rodney and frantically worked open his pants.

"Off, off, get off," Rodney chanted, and shoved his pants and boxers down to reveal his hard cock when John rolled off. Rodney ferociously kicked off his shoes and followed those with the rest of his clothing. He came to a panting halt in disrobing and turned on his side to stare at John, who had wriggled out of his boxers.

John lay on his side staring back at Rodney, patchily lit up in silvery shadow. He smiled shyly and ran a hand down Rodney's chest.

Rodney smiled back. His eyes ran down the length of John with a hungry look that set John on fire. "Wow. You, you look good." He put his hand around John's neck and pulled him closer. "Now where were we again?"

John pressed up against him and rolled with Rodney as he climbed back on top of John and devoured him in a kiss.

Rodney moaned into his mouth and thrust his cock against John's. John responded with a sigh and an enthusiastic thrust of his own back at Rodney. They quickly fell into a rocking rhythm as Rodney freed his mouth from the kiss and bit and licked his way down John's neck. John drifted into a haze of want as the pain of the bites added into the pleasure of rubbing himself against Rodney's hot, sweaty body. The smell of Rodney's soap, the faint whiff of coffee and the musk of Rodney himself filled his nose, so unlike the floral perfumes women tended to wear added to the dizzying sensations coursing through him. John grabbed Rodney's hips and ground up with even more fervor. Rodney gave a little whine and sped up a bit, panting into the crease of John's neck. John's nerves sizzled from the feeling of Rodney's hot breath on his neck and in his ear. He started bucking uncontrollably under Rodney as the inevitability of his orgasm seized control and gave a low moan as his cock spurted its hot fluid between their moving bodies. Floating in the afterglow, John felt Rodney jam his face against his neck to muffle a screaming growl and the throb of Rodney's cock as it shot wave after wave of come to mix with what was already smeared between them. Then Rodney lay heavily on John, shuddering in reaction for a while as both of them panted their way down from the high of their release.

Rodney slowly stopped shuddering, then with an exhausted sigh, flipped himself off John. "Right now I feel totally, disgustingly, sweaty and sticky," he commented, staring at the ceiling. "And my whole body feels like a wet noodle, so there's no way in hell that I will actually be able get up out of this bed to actually get to the bathroom. And if I sleep like this the covers will glue themselves to my body and I will die of bed mummification." He looked over at John, who grinned at him.

"Bed mummification?" John asked with a raised eyebrow thrown in on top of the grin.

Rodney grinned back and John started to giggle. Rodney was soon infected by it and joined in with a snicker. Their laughing picked up until both rolled into each other to hold on while tears streamed down their faces and John started to hiccup. The laughter eventually faded and they wiped their eyes and looked at each other.

Rodney pulled John close and as he leaned into Rodney's warmth, he thought about how nice it felt to finally be next to someone this solid, this warm, this male. Rodney then pulled Nathan close to him and hauled some covers over both John and himself. John drifted off to the faint whistling of Rodney's even breathing .

* * *

Rodney woke up dazed and stuck to the sheets. Wasn't Nathan crying a moment ago? God, he was tired. He needed coffee. He was used to being short on sleep, hell he'd survived getting two PhDs, but he felt like he was going for a third one with Nathan. He leaned up on his elbows and looked around. Nathan wasn't in the bed. Had John come in and gotten Nathan? The bed was a mess. He was a mess. Rodney gave a moue of distaste as he peeled the sheets off his sticky body. Why was he naked? Rodney froze as he remembered. Oh, god. he'd actually gone ahead and done it. He'd jumped John. He'd jumped gay virgin John with his gay virgin self Rodney thought, his mind making tight laps like a small hyperactive dog. He'd had the best sex he'd had in years with the hottest guy in the expedition. Who wanted him. Wow. There was definitely something to be said for the power of enthusiasm. Realistically they couldn't have been that good at it, but the fact that they both actually wanted each other made it hotter than anything Rodney had previously experienced.

John sauntered into the room, wearing his uniform and carrying a tray with pancakes, sausage and coffee on it. Rodney squeaked in surprise and yanked up the sheets to his neck to hide his nakedness.

"Morning Rodney. Thought you might like some breakfast before it was all gone," John said, smiling shyly and sitting on the bed next to Rodney.

"Um, thanks," Rodney replied, scooting up the bed to sit up while still clutching the sheets to his neck in a death grip. Oh god, John looked cute with that smile. He was so screwed.

John looked at him and the shy smile slipped off his face. "Should I leave?" John said, and started to stand back up.

Shit, shit, shit! He was sending out wrong signals again. Don't do this with the only person who'd ever actually wanted you! Quick, think of something to salvage this before you blow it! Rodney's caffeine-deprived brain scrambled. He nervously lowered the sheet down to his waist, blushing furiously and prayed that John didn't look too close at him. "Um, no. It's not you," Rodney said haltingly. "I just, I don't, um, please don't look at me while I don't have clothes on."

John sat back down and gave Rodney a questioning look that Rodney gratefully noted rested above his shoulders. "Why don't you want me to look at you?" John asked, setting the tray of food on the bed next to Rodney.

Rodney hands crept up of their own volition to cover over Rodney's chest as he tried to explain. "I uh, I don't mind being naked in the dark. But um, I uh, have never been comfortable being, um, unclothed where people can see me," Rodney felt stupid. He'd tried repeatedly to get over being body shy, but being nude in front of someone where they could see him clearly still made him profoundly uncomfortable. "It's not you. I just, I just don't like to be naked." Rodney stared down at his lap, resisting the urge to yank the sheet back up.

John looked at him for a moment and then gently reached over and pulled the sheet up and draped it over Rodney's shoulders so they were covered. "Okay," John murmured gently. "Hang on a sec while I get you some clothes." John got up, went to Rodney's dresser and came back with a t-shirt and boxers which he tossed in Rodney's lap and said, "Let me know when you're dressed," and then turned so his back was facing Rodney.

Rodney quickly put on the shirt and boxers, trying to ignore the dried sweat and semen sticking to him. "Thanks," he said. "You can turn around now."

John turned and sat back down on the bed next to him. "Better now?" he asked.

Rodney nodded tightly. "Sorry." God, he always gave such a bad impression the morning after. He'd so hoped that he would do better with a guy. With John. Guess not.

John shrugged his shoulders. "S'okay." He picked up the tray and put it in Rodney's lap. "You probably want to eat this before it gets cold."

Rodney nodded again and picked up the fork. "Thanks. Where's Nathan?" he asked, before filling his mouth full of pancake.

John gave a tentative smile. "I gave Nathan to Ronon to feed him his breakfast while I got yours."

"Gmmphf," Rodney replied, mouth still full.

"Um," John said, putting a hand up to the back of his neck, "About last night..."

Rodney swallowed his mouthful of pancakes painfully as morning after panic set in and he started to babble. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have jumped you like that. I'd just been thinking about what it would be like and how two guys would do stuff like, like that, and, and it was dark and you were there, and your lips were really nice and you're kind of cute when you're sleepy, and..."

John grabbed Rodney by the arm and shook it slightly. Rodney's mouth snapped shut as John said, "Shut up, Rodney. It's no big deal." John let go and stared at the floor.

Rodney gulped as his awkwardness overwhelmed him. "Oh. Good. Good. I'm glad I didn't, you know, offend, or, or anything."

John eyes snapped up and gave him a glare. "Yeah, like I always get breakfast in bed for someone who pisses me off by rubbing me off." He looked angry, but his ears were pink, Rodney noticed absently.

Rodney stared down at the tray. There was something he was missing here. He looked up at John and said, "Um, Colonel..." and saw John flinch ever so slightly and then the mask that John seemed to wear most all the time slammed down over his face.

"I've got a meeting with Lorne I've got to get to. I'll pick up Nathan at lunch," John announced as he stood up and stiffly walked out of the room. "Later, McKay."

"Uh, yeah. Later," Rodney echoed, feeling like he'd just kicked a puppy without having the slightest idea of where the puppy had suddenly come from or how he'd managed to kick it.

* * *

John scrubbed his face and sighed. He should just get over himself, because he knew he was acting like a big damn girl. So what if Rodney had just used him last night to satisfy his scientific curiosity about gay sex? At least the guy hadn't tried to fuck him. He really didn't need to get bent over it. Lots of people had meaningless sex. He'd had meaningless sex with all those women that had pushed for it.

"...and McPherson should be back on active duty soon. Sir? Sir?" Lorne's voice came back into focus. Oh, yeah. Meeting.

John smirked deprecatingly and waved a hand. "Sorry Major. Didn't sleep well last night. Sorry I drifted." That was sort of a lie. Cuddling up to Rodney last night had given him the first nightmare free sleep he'd had in years. Four peaceful hours only interrupted by Nathan letting everyone know it was time for his breakfast.

"Well sir, that actually wraps it up for me. Unless you've got something more to add, we're good to go for today," Lorne said with an understanding smile. "Baby keeping you up?"

"Yeah," John lied easily. "And I think we're done here. Go seize the day, Major." He watched as Lorne gave him an easy salute and left for the day's duties.

John waited for the door to close before slumping into his chair and throwing his pen across his office. Fuck it. He was a big damn girl. He'd thought that Rodney coming onto him last night had meant that Rodney liked him back the way he liked Rodney. He was just so fucking tired of being alone.

_image of John: query_

Fuck off, Atlantis. I'm not in the mood for twenty questions today. John snarled mentally. Atlantis was the only thing he could safely take his disappointment out on right now without repercussion.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Carson's voice came on the radio, startling him out of his snarling at the Atlantis AI.

"This is Sheppard. What do you need, Doc?" John responded.

"Come down to the baby lab. The second wee one is due to come out soon according to the readings we're getting, and Dr. Zelenka thinks he's going to need your help opening the gestation chamber. I've already called Rodney." Carson said, sounding excited.

John suppressed a sigh. He really didn't want to be anywhere around Rodney at the moment, but he couldn't do anything about it now without people asking questions he just didn't want to answer. "Be right there."

He came into the lab to find that Rodney had already beaten him there and was telling Carson that he'd left Nathan with Ronon after Carson had called him. Rodney gave him a puzzled look and John found his face gelling into his officer mask again. He avoided Rodney's eyes and went over to Carson who was standing next to one of the gestational chambers with Radek. "The timer went ding?" he asked them flippantly.

Radek smiled and said. "In a way, yes, Colonel. Because we disabled much of the equipment here, we need you to initiate the, I guess you could call it the decanting procedure. "

John nodded. _Is this what you were going to tell me, Atlantis?_ He thought, now suddenly feeling guilty for being so brusque with it.

_affirmation_

I'm sorry. I should have let you tell me. John thought. _How to I do this?_ Atlantis brought up the diagnostics and presented them in his mind. John stepped forward and laid his hand on the control panel set just under the chamber and gave it the necessary instructions.

The chamber split open from the top and he saw fluid draining away from the infant. The little girl blinked its cloudy blue eyes, took her first breath and started wailing as the colder air hit her. Carson lifted the baby out, clamped the umbilical cord and ran a check on her. John looked at her and his heart fluttered. She looked fragile and innocent as Carson cleaned her, toweled her dry, wrapped her in a blanket and bounced her a bit until the wailing lowered a few decibels.

"Well, she's in perfect health. Which of you would like you hold your baby girl?" Carson asked.

"Give her to Sheppard. I got to hold Nathan first," Rodney said, surprising John into looking at him. Rodney's eyes were shuttered and his chin defiant. "Go ahead, Colonel."

John broke his gaze with Rodney and held out his arms as Carson slid their little girl into his arms. He stared at her, looking at her soft ash blond hair. That color must come from Rodney's family. He was startled out of his inspection of his daughter when Radek bumped into him as he poked into the recently opened chamber, muttering something in Czech.

"Ah, sorry Colonel. Most fascinating piece of equipment," Radek apologized even as his attention drifted back to the chamber. John moved away from the chamber to lean against a wall and looked back down at the baby.

"I'll leave you two to fight over what this baby's name will be," Carson said, packing away equipment. "Let me know what name you decide on so I can finish filling out the birth certificate. Elizabeth informed me that you two have the day off in order to get to know your new wee one," he threw over his shoulder as he headed toward the door.

"W,w,w,wait, Carson," Rodney stuttered. "Doesn't she need immunizations and, and things like that? You're not just leaving her with us, are you?"

Carson stopped, turned and said, "The gestational chamber took care of her immunizations according to the Ancient computer and my scanner. I don't need to do anything but fill out some paperwork. Why shouldn't I leave her with you?"

"Oh," Rodney replied. "Well, okay then. Fine. We're fine with her, then."

Carson smiled at Rodney and left.

Radek mumbled something over his datapad and left after Carson, bumping into the doorframe slightly on his way out. He corrected his trajectory without looking up and left John alone with Rodney.

"So, um, what do you want to name her?" Rodney asked, rolling his fingers over his palms nervously.

John looked at him narrowly. "Jill." He was itching for a fight and this seemed the opportune time for the opening salvo. The baby started to whimper, and John forced his arms to loosen up.

Rodney winced at the name, but said, "Jill. Um, okay. Jill's good if you want to name her that."

John was brought up short by that answer. Rodney capitulating on a name he so obviously hated was nothing short of an enormous olive branch being offered to him. He looked at Rodney again. He saw confusion, hesitation, and worry flitting across Rodney's face. Now he was confused. To cover, he looked back down at the baby. "Maybe not Jill," he said, avoiding Rodney's gaze.

Rodney gave a poorly concealed sigh of relief and then said, "Okay. Any other name appeal to you?"

God. Rodney was really trying to bend over backwards here, John thought. "I don't know. Maybe we should go back to our quarters and think about it for a while. She's probably going to want feeding soon. Being born is a hard job for most babies, I hear," John said finally.

"Most babies have to squeeze through a ten centimeter diameter tunnel to be born," Rodney pointed out. "But you're right, she may get hungry soon." Rodney made a nervous motion toward the door. "Um, after you?"

John gave a sharp nod and went through the door, wondering if the discussion of what to name the new baby would end as badly as their last attempt at talking had.

 

* * *

They walked to their quarters in silence, which continued as Rodney collected Nathan from Ronon and a bottle for the new baby, which he handed to John. They both went into Rodney's bedroom and sat on opposite sides of the bed, each of them uneasily clutching a child. Rodney finally broke the silence by hesitantly saying, "I seem to have pissed you off somehow and I'm really sorry for whatever I did."

John whipped his head around to glare at Rodney. "Don't worry about it. Glad I was able to satisfy your scientific curiosity," He said with acidic sarcasm.

Oh god, what the hell was this about? Rodney thought with exasperation. "Excuse me? What is this about? You're suddenly mad again about me asking those questions about your sex life? That was weeks ago!"

John's jaw knotted shut and he turned his back to Rodney.

Oh jesus, John could be such a girl at the oddest times, Rodney thought. Rodney had never successfully figured out girls. He never got the timing right when it came to when to listen, when to ignore the bitching or when to whip out the flowers and chocolate and declare his undying love. He'd thought if he started a relationship with John he'd at least have a fighting chance, but it had blown up on him as soon as he woke up this morning, apparently. Rodney stared down at his sleeping son. Unfortunately this was one relationship he couldn't just give up on. Not with the children on the line. He was determined to not recreate his parents' marriage for his children. His children deserved better than that.

He laid Nathan down on the the bed next to a teddy bear Miko had given him and prayed that Nathan would not kick up a fuss. He then got up and came around to where John sat trying coax their daughter with the bottle, his chin set in a grim line. Rodney sat next to him and thought really hard about what John had said. After a minute the puzzle pieces at long last came together and it finally kind of made sense to him. Oh. Sheppard logic. Questions about gay sex, plus sex last night, plus babbling apology this morning equals scientific curiosity which does not equal interest in John as a person. At least that's what he came up with. Hoping that he'd gotten it right, he hesitantly laid a hand on John's shoulder and felt the muscles tighten to an iron hardness and twitch underneath his fingers. "Um...John?" he said gently.

John's eyes flickered up to look at Rodney. Rodney's breath caught as he finally saw the misery reflected in John's nearly brown eyes. "John, I wasn't, I didn't mean, um," Rodney floundered as he tried to think of something to say to make John's eyes turn green like they had last night. "It's not just...I think, I think I want you too. Like you said you wanted me. When we were at the grounding station," Rodney said quietly. He continued in a low murmur, "I think, I might, um, last night was, was...something... for me."

John's eyes lightened a bit and the muscles under his hand softened. Rodney felt emboldened by John's relaxation and he continued. "I, uh, I like you. Um. A lot. And you're the other parent of my," Rodney stroked the face of their fussing daughter with his free hand, "um, I mean our children."

John loosened up further under Rodney's hand and he finally felt that it was safe enough to reach around and pull John to him. John came without resistance and laid his head on Rodney's shoulder as Rodney slid his other arm around to encompass both John and the new baby. "You guys are my family," Rodney whispered fiercely into John's hair. "You're not a science experiment for me, I swear."

John replied in a voice that cracked a little, "Okay."

"Good," Rodney replied, giving John a squeeze. He let out a deep breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. "John, if we're going to do this, if we're going to be a family, you've really got to start telling me when something is bugging you so we can work it out. I really, really suck at figuring this sort of thing out. I just got lucky today."

John nodded into Rodney's shoulder. "Okay. Sorry. I'm not good at that. I'll try."

Rodney hugged John again and let go. "Make sure you do. I swear if you don't, I will drag your sorry, skinny ass up to Heightmeyer's office and enlist Teyla's help in beating it out of you."

John gave an odd hiccuping chuckle and sat up straight. "Way to scare a guy, Rodney," he said lightly.

"I threaten because I care," Rodney replied. "And if you tell my department that, you will never have a hot shower again for as long as I live."

John cocked an eyebrow and replied in mock seriousness. "And all those cold showers would interfere in familial relations."

Rodney reached out a hand to cup John's face. "That's right. Only my family gets to know." His heart thumped oddly as John closed his eyes and leaned into his hand.

"Okay, then," John replied softly. "Your department will just have to keep thinking that you're a big old meanie, then."

Rodney smiled. "Good."

* * *

After several hours of argument, some diaper changes, and a few feedings Teyla finally lost patience with the two of them around dinner time and announced that the new baby's name was Liliana, which was a night-blooming flower on Athos.

"Liliana?" John said, eyebrows surprised.

"Liliana? Huh," Rodney said, looking taken aback.

"Liliana," Teyla repeated firmly, crossing her arms and giving both of them a glare.

John looked over at Ronon, who sat on the floor, cleaning under his nails with an enormous knife. "What do you think, Ronon?"

Ronon looked up from his task. "Baby needs a name before she's a mother herself. Liliana will do. Can we go eat now?"

John looked back at Rodney. Rodney shrugged. "It's better than anything you came up with. Seriously, Carrie? Rose? Lisa?"

John pouted briefly but he had to admit that Liliana had a certain something that he liked for a name. "Yeah, well, your suggestions of Hypatia and Magdalena weren't all that hot either," he replied, silently giving in.

Teyla smiled. "You two are agreed then. I will call Carson while we go to dinner and tell him so he may complete his paperwork concerning the birth of Liliana."

Dinner in the mess hall was marked by a steady stream of people dropping by the team's table to offer their congratulations and have a look at the new baby. Even Kavanaugh came by and said with sniff, "She's surprisingly cute."

Rodney muttered under his breath, "Suck up," as Kavenaugh left. John agreed wholeheartedly to that.

After receiving an elegant nod and congratulations from Dr. Weir at the end of their meal, John shifted his baby carrier containing Liliana to a more comfortable position and suggested to the rest of his team that they celebrate by having a movie night. Ronon shrugged, Teyla gave that wise smile and Rodney moaned as he rubbed Nathan's back through the carrier to calm him, "Not Three Men and a Baby again. The first time was awful enough, thank you," as they headed out the door.

John grinned. "How about Revenge of the Nerds, then? I've got a huge tin of caramel popcorn." He slowed his stride to match Rodney's and bumped against his shoulder.

Rodney looked at him and made inquiring motions with his free hand. "The popcorn doesn't have nuts in it does it? Nuts get stuck in my teeth."

John felt an evil grin come over him. He leaned closer to Rodney and murmured, "The only nuts you'll be exposed to will be the ones in my pants, Rodney," Rodney flushed a bright pink. Oh yeah. This was heaven. Saying naughty things to Rodney and making him blush. This day was ending up so much better than how he'd thought it was going to this morning. He knew he meant something to Rodney now.

They settled into the darkened living room to watch the DVD. Ronon in one chair, Teyla in another, and Rodney, John and the babies on the sofa, with the tin of caramel popcorn on the floor between John's knees. Every time Rodney leaned over to grab a handful of popcorn, John made sure to breathe heavily on the back of his neck. As the movie progressed, Rodney squirmed more and more as John kept brushing up against him when he wasn't breathing down Rodney's neck. Oh yeah, thought John. Heaven.

Suddenly at the nerds doing Devo scene, Ronon snorted loudly and got up. He came over to John and Rodney and deftly stripped them of the babies which he neatly deposited in Teyla's arms.

"What?" John protested, trying his best innocent pose, while Rodney simply gaped in confusion, speechless for a change.

Ronon ignored him and hauled both him and Rodney bodily out of the sofa and dragged them over to the door to Rodney's bedroom. "Quit messing around and go fuck already," he said and shoved them through the door with enough force that they didn't stop staggering till they landed on the bed.

"Oof!" Rodney gasped as he landed on the bed. "Was that Ronon or did I just get thrown by a bucking bronco?"

John felt a shiver of unease go up his spine. He got up and went back out the door. Ronon stood looking at him with his arms crossed a couple of feet from the door. "Uh, Ronon..." John started.

Ronon rumbled over John's words, "What happens here, stays here. We'll watch your back, Sheppard. Go fuck McKay before I shoot you," and shoved him back into the bedroom so hard that he flopped backward onto the bed.

* * *

"Well, that was unexpected," John said staring at the closed door after a moment's pause, and looked over to Rodney. Rodney returned his gaze solemnly.

"Do you?" Rodney asked. "Want to fuck me, that is?" Rodney looked too somber.

John wet his lips. "No. Lick, suck, stroke, smell, and rub. But not fuck. Too impersonal." He had no idea how to go about it without hurting Rodney anyway.

Rodney's face softened and a ghost of a smile played around his slanted mouth. "What would you consider personal then?"

With the thought of penetrative sex now brought to mind, John leaned into the crook of Rodney's neck and whispered against his skin. "Maybe you could take me." Knowing Rodney he'd probably done some research and had a better idea of what to do than he did.

Rodney pulled back and looked at John. "Take you? As in me, um, in you, take you?"

John burrowed his head in Rodney's neck again and sucked a patch of skin. "Yes. Take me."

Rodney stroked John's back slowly. "You do realize my knowledge of how to accomplish that is only theoretical, don't you, John?"

Yep, he'd done the research, John thought happily. He wrapped an arm around Rodney's waist. "I've noticed that you're good at figuring out practical applications to theoretical knowledge."

Rodney chuckled into John's hair. "I'm pleased to see that my unparalleled genius has not gone unnoticed by you."

John looked up at Rodney and gave an amused smirk. "Oh, I've noticed. Passed the Mensa test here, remember?"

Rodney rolled his eyes at him. "Yes, and you still won't come to a meeting."

John chuckled warmly. "Got better things to do. Like get an astrophysicist naked so he can do me." He snaked a hand down and unzipped Rodney's pants, then slipped the hand in to give Rodney's dick a friendly squeeze.

Rodney breathed in sharply. "Oh boy. Um, yeah, okay," he muttered, and unbuttoned the pants so John's hand had a freer range. John took advantage of the situation and moved quickly to strip Rodney of every item of clothing he had on from the waist down. John stopped to give Rodney an appreciative once over before tackling his shirt and was brought up short by Rodney's look of discomfort.

"Um, you okay?" John asked as he noted Rodney's blushing face and fading erection.

Rodney covered his face with an arm and said in a desperate, strangled tone, "Can we just turn the lights off, please? I'll be fine when the lights are out."

"Okay," John replied and got off the bed, turned the lights off and stripped down to give Rodney some time to himself. He returned to the bed and scooted over to where Rodney lay, still wearing his shirt. "Better?" he inquired cautiously, laying a gentle hand on Rodney's shoulder.

Rodney let out a gusty sigh, then abruptly sat up, ripped off his shirt and threw it across the room. "God dammit!" he growled, and then flopped back onto the bed.

"Hey, hey, hey," John said softly, pulling Rodney into a full body hug. "S'okay. Dark is better for you. I understand." John's hand made slow circles on the small of Rodney's back.

Rodney pulled away slightly and asked anxiously, "You don't mind?"

It suddenly occurred to John that this personality quirk had probably caused a lot of Rodney's assignations to blow up in his face over the years. It had certainly thrown him for a loop this morning when first confronted with it. "Nah," John said as off-handedly as he dared. "Just let me take a shower with you at some point so I can see where I get to rub my hands all over when we're in the dark. I'm a good back scrubber, it'll be worth your while." John leaned in and gave Rodney a kiss, gently sucking on his bottom lip.

Rodney relaxed into John's arms and darted a tongue over John's lips. He obligingly opened his mouth and sucked Rodney's tongue in, tickling the end of it with his own. Rodney moaned and relaxed more and John felt Rodney's dick stirring in interest again against his thigh.

"You really want me to take you?" Rodney asked when they came up for air. His hands fluttered over John's back and ass like frenetic butterflies.

John grabbed the nearest one he could reach and firmly slapped it onto his ass. "Yes. Got anything we can use for lubrication?" John knew that much at least. He really hoped that Rodney had some or this wouldn't get further. And right now, John was really committed to further.

Rodney's hand squeezed spasmodically at the question, making John moan and shove his dick against Rodney's rapidly refilling cock. "Oh god, don't do that or you'll never get what you're asking for," Rodney gasped.

"Lube, Rodney. I'm a sex starved man here. Hand lotion, baby oil, that damned sunscreen of yours, anything!" John panted against Rodney's skin. He suddenly felt that if he didn't get Rodney's cock in his ass soon he was going to explode from frustration. He'd never felt so turned on before in his life. He wanted all of Rodney, to take him into his body and own him.

"All right, all right already! Lube, okay, lube, lube, where's the lube?" Rodney chanted as he slipped out of John's arms and stumbled over discarded clothing to his dresser. He rummaged for a moment and came stumbling back carrying a tube of lube and some condoms. He flopped back down on the bed next to John and announced, "Lube. And condoms." He looked uncertainly at John. "If you want to use them, that is."

John looked at Rodney in the moon dappled light. "Would it freak you out if I said I wanted to feel you without the rubber?" He said quietly.

Rodney gulped. "Um, no. We're, we're clean. No medical issues. Um, you're sure?"

John nodded. He wanted all of Rodney. No barriers. Nothing between them. "I'm sure." And pulled him in for another kiss.

Rodney's hands stroked John's back for a moment before drifting down to squeeze his ass. John moaned appreciatively and wiggled a bit to slide Rodney's fingers closer to the cleft of his ass-cheeks. Rodney tentatively began stroking a finger up and down the crack, slowly dipping further south with every down stroke. John sighed out of the kiss and leaned into Rodney's neck, whispering, "Jesus Rodney, just touch it, touch my hole, please, please."

Rodney reached for the lube and squirted a dollop onto shaking fingers. "Tell me, um, tell me if I do anything that hurts. I don't want to hurt you," and slid the lubed fingers between John's ass-cheeks down towards his hole.

John shivered from the chill of the lube and feel of Rodney's fingers as they reached their destination. "Sure, sure...ohhhh!" John moaned as those blunt fingers circled and then one ever so slightly dipped into his hole. He clutched Rodney close and whispered urgently, "More, more, please, ohhhh!" as Rodney slipped one finger into his hole up to the first knuckle and wiggled it.

Rodney said in a wondering tone, "You really like this, don't you?" and slipped the finger out only to slip it back in again a little deeper and wiggle it a little more.

John nodded and hummed a high whine as he tried to grind down on Rodney's finger. The angle of Rodney's hand was wrong though, and his finger frustratingly did not go any further in. Rodney pulled his finger out, and John raised up to protest, but Rodney pushed him face down on the bed and said, "Spread your legs so I can get between." John spread his legs wide and felt Rodney settle between them. There was another splorping sound from the lubrication tube and then Rodney's finger slid back into John's hole, much, much deeper this time around and John cried out wordlessly.

"You okay?" Rodney asked nervously.

"Yes! More!" John panted and ground up onto Rodney's finger. There was a slight burning that he couldn't be bothered to pay attention to that faded into pleasure as Rodney pumped his finger in and out of John's hole. Oh god. He loved Rodney's finger so much right now.

After a bit Rodney asked "Are you ready for a second finger, John?" as he rubbed the small of John's back while continuing to thrust his finger inside John's willing ass.

John nodded and then moaned and clutched the sheets as the second coated finger slowly squeezed its way into his tight hole. The burning lasted for longer this time, and he panted around the pain as his breached hole twitched around Rodney's still fingers. "I'm good." he said breathlessly before Rodney could ask if he was okay again. "I just need a moment to adjust, I think."

"Okay, sure, sure," Rodney replied as he continued to rub the small of John's back soothingly.

John felt the burn slowly drift away and then the pleasure creep back in as Rodney began ever so slowly to slide his two fingers gently in and out of his ass. John started grinding up to meet his fingers again as his muscles relaxed more and was soon moaning his pleasure in earnest again. John felt Rodney's fingers bend inside of him and he jumped as they hit a sweet spot within him, making him cry out loudly. "Oh, oh, oh god, do that again!" he babbled, gripping the sheets tighter and grinding desperately onto Rodney's fingers.

"I think I just found your prostate," Rodney said in a bemused tone and rubbed the spot inside John again and John cried out and writhed in pleasure.

"Oh god, Rodney!" John moaned as Rodney's fingers continued to pump into his ass and tag the spot repeatedly, then scissor out to stretch his hole some more. The burn of the stretch was repeatedly drowned in the sensations Rodney produced in his ass with those talented, talented fingers. John panted and began to helplessly hump the bed as his cock begged for some of the action. Then suddenly those wonderful fingers were gone, and John whined in frustration.

"Up! Up on your hands and knees, John!" Rodney urged, and John scrambled to comply once he realized the Rodney meant to take him now. He heard the sound of the lube being opened and squeezed out and then Rodney mumbling, "Hold on, hold on, not yet, oh god, not yet" through gritted teeth. Then Rodney's hands pried open his butt cheeks and he felt the blunt tip of Rodney's dick press against his loosened hole. He pushed against Rodney's cock before he'd even realized he'd done so, and felt his ass flair with pain as Rodney grabbed his hips and forced him to stillness. "Jesus, John, stop, stop!" Rodney panted. "Too fast, dammit!"

John panted as pain surged though him and replied breathlessly, "Sorry, sorry. I got carried away. This, this is a little painful."

Rodney pulled his dick away and John's hole quivered for a moment before the worst of the spasms of pain stopped. "John," Rodney said quietly, gently rubbing his back. "I know you've waited a long time to have sex with a person you're truly interested in, but really, we have all night. You don't have to rush it."

John dropped his head between his arms as he shuddered and felt his face and ears warm. "I know. I just want you so bad right now. More than I ever wanted to fly, even."

Rodney draped himself over John's back and reached around to hug his midsection, before reaching further down to take John's flagging cock in hand and gently stroking it with a lubed hand as he kissed John between the shoulder-blades. "I think that's the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me." Rodney said with a wobble in his voice. "Let me, let me try to make it good for you. Please."

John said, "Okay," in a low voice, and felt Rodney's freshly re-lubed fingers gently stroke their way back into his twitching hole. He let out a breath and consciously relaxed as much as possible and slowly his hole stopped spasming and opened up again to Rodney's touch.

"Good, John, good," Rodney murmured, kissing John's back. "Slow and easy. It's the first time for me too, remember?"

John had forgotten actually. Rodney was so skilled with his hands naturally that he forgotten that John was Rodney's first guy too. His ears warmed some more. "Yeah," he replied in a raspy voice. "Slow, then. Slow's good."

"Okay then. Let's try this again," Rodney murmured gently and positioned his cock at John's hole again. "I'm going to press against you a bit. Just stay still until your muscles relax, okay?"

"Okay," John replied shakily as Rodney's cock head pressed firmly against him. Time seemed to stretch on for an eternity until he felt his hole suddenly relax and Rodney's cock-head smoothly slip in. "Ahhhh!" John moaned as Rodney's cock breached his body. Good god, Rodney's cock felt enormous.

Rodney gave a high whine and panted, "Oh jesus, you're tight!" and clutched convulsively at John's hips. "Don't move! Don't move! I need, I need, some, some time here."

"Mhmm!" John whined back, attention centered on the fact that he had a log up his ass that was making it difficult for him to breathe, much less move.

Rodney breathed heavily for a moment or two and then gently pushed his cock further into John's ass, then leaned forward and pulled on John's dick with a hand that was still sticky with lube. "John, concentrate on your cock for a moment," Rodney whispered raggedly.

John whined again. Rodney wanted him to concentrate on his dick? How could he when there was this telephone pole drilling its way through his ass? The stroking on his cock came as a dim after thought to his senses. He felt Rodney push again and then the utterly new sensation of balls slapping against his own made him shudder and cry out wordlessly. This was overwhelming.

Then Rodney pulled back and tilted John's hips at different angle and pushed in again and... "Aaaaahhhhh!" John screamed as Rodney's dick slammed into his prostate. Rodney froze and asked, "John?"

John was past speech at this point and just ground himself onto Rodney's cock, shuddering as his sweet spot was brushed again.

"Ooohhh!" moaned Rodney. "Oh, okay, okay, good," he stammered and began rocking into John's ass, tagging that spot hard with every thrust, while stroking John's cock in the same rhythm. "Oh god, John, come, come please, can't hold, can't hold on, please come for me, please," he began to chanting to John.

John's brain dimly received Rodney's babble as sparkles grew before his eyes and white heat built at the base of his spine. He began to shake and gave a wordless scream as fluid pulsed hotly out of his cock and his ass clamped down hard on Rodney's iron hard length.

Rodney rocked against him one last time, gasped, "John!" then John felt the hot pulses of Rodney's cock within him before Rodney collapsed on top of him. Too shattered by his own orgasm, John collapsed from the weight of Rodney onto the wet, sticky bedding, shaky and weak. They lay there, entwined together, panting hugely.

John winced when Rodney's slack cock slid out of his sore hole with a pop. He felt Rodney roll off him, then Rodney's arms wrapped around John and pulled him onto his side and against Rodney's broad chest. John went without protest, too shaky to do anything but lay wherever anyone put him.

Rodney pulled a blanket over the both of them and whispered in John's ear, "John? You okay? I didn't break you, did I?"

John giggled exhaustedly. "Cherry's popped. Does that count as broken?"

Rodney rubbed John's arm. "Only if you were saving yourself for marriage," Rodney replied dryly.

John giggled again. He felt like he was floating on air, despite the mild throbbing pain in his ass.

"Oh, wow. You are really brainless after you get laid. Get some sleep, goofy," Rodney said fondly, spooning up against John warmly.

"Night Grumpy," John giggled, barely registering Rodney snorting into his hair before he slid into slumberland.

* * *

Rodney woke up at 7:00 am, automatically reaching for Nathan. After groping for a moment and not finding his son, his brain actually came online and he woke up fully to realize that Teyla and Ronon still had the babies and that John was still asleep and holding onto him with a death grip. He stared at John, looking younger yet much more careworn in his sleep. It was an odd combination to see and it made Rodney feel as if John would shatter into tiny pieces if Rodney screwed this up. Oh god. No pressure at all here, Rodney thought with dismay.

He lay there for a while, gently stroking John's back, until his bladder became too insistent to ignore anymore. As he tried to subtly pry John off of him so he could get up, John roused enough to whine and grab on tighter. "Oh jesus," Rodney muttered, and stepped up his efforts to free himself. "John, I have to pee. I'll be back, honestly, but if you don't let go now, I'm going to flood the bed and you're the one who's going to have to clean up, because it will be all your fault! Come on, let go."

John whined again and blearily opened on eye. "Ymph cmm bk?" he mumbled into the sheets.

"Yes, yes, I'll come back. But I've got to pee, now, dammit," Rodney replied, pushing John off him.

John rolled over, away from Rodney and onto his back. "'kay," He mumbled, closing his eyes and drifting off again.

Rodney rolled out of bed and staggered to the bathroom just in time. Relieved of the pressure on his bladder, Rodney looked at himself in the mirror. He looked wrecked. His hair stood out in five different directions and he was sticky, smelly and naked. He groaned as he realized that he'd forgotten to clean up after last night. Great, E. coli, anyone? Rodney thought grumpily. He hadn't realized that gay sex would be so, so goopy. And unsanitary. And mind-blowingly hot. Oh god, John's reactions were the hottest thing he'd ever seen. Rodney had been wasting his time watching heterosexual porn if gay sex was always like this. He contemplated his sticky fingers. Shower. He definitely needed a shower.

Resolved in his course of action, he activated the shower and stepped in. Warm water beat on his skin as he stood there, thinking about last night. John had flirted and teased him during the movie like he really wanted Rodney. It was a unique experience for him, somebody teasing him sexually. The girls he'd dated had been at best shy, and at worst scornful. And none of them held a candle to the attraction of John breathing on his neck while he was trying to get at the popcorn.

He grabbed the soap and washcloth and soaped himself up, still thinking. He'd been John's first guy. He'd never been anybody's first before. Hell, John was his first guy. He'd had no real clue as to how last night would go. It seemed good for John at the time. Then he remembered John getting too eager. Oh god. He'd better drag John off to Carson to make sure he was okay. He'd actually admitted to being in pain and Rodney was worried that the idiot had managed to hurt himself by jumping the gun before his body was ready. Jeez, you'd think a gay guy would have read up on proper procedure before doing something that invasive. Oh, who the hell was he kidding? This was John, for god's sake. Mr. why-bother-to-look-when-you-can-just-go-ahead-and-leap-into-danger man. Oh god, he hoped he used enough lube last night. Carson would kill him if he hadn't.

Absently, he rinsed off and reached for the shampoo. As he shut his eyes to keep out the suds flowing down his forehead, he felt a hand gently snake around his waist. Rodney felt his body blush hotly in embarrassment and announced, "That had better be you, John, because if it's anyone else, I'm going to do terrible, terrible things to you," and heard a familiar rough chuckle, and felt another hand grip his hip as John pressed up against his back.

"You didn't come back," John said, rubbing a stubbly chin on Rodney's shoulder gently. Rodney decided that the caress wouldn't actually give him beard burn and put away his ready complaint.

"Yeah, well, the thought of staying as sticky as I was, was too disgusting a prospect to face without coffee. I planned on coming back after the shower," Rodney replied, rinsing his hair out and trying to ignore the fact that he was naked in broad daylight in front of John. "How you feeling this morning?" And please don't lie to me, he thought without any hope. Rodney fully expected a non-committal "fine" from John.

John rested his chin on Rodney's shoulder. "A little sore," he replied quietly.

Rodney turned in surprise and looked at John. John looked impossibly young and shy with his hair wet down. "I'm sorry," Rodney said automatically.

John shook his head. "Don't be. I think it was my fault. You were very considerate last night. You used so much lube I think I might slide out of chairs for the rest of the week."

Rodney looked down and shuffled his feet. "Yeah, well. I had no clue what I was doing last night. I just hope it didn't hurt too much." Rodney felt raw on the inside. This was too much, he felt too much around John.

John leaned into Rodney and said, "It didn't hurt too much. I asked you to do it. And it felt good, really."

Rodney brought his arms up around John and held on as the water sprayed around them. "I'm still going to drag you down to the infirmary to have Carson check you out."

"Rodney!" John protested, pulling away. "I don't need to be checked out by anyone."

Rodney let go. "You admitted you were in pain last night and you said you're sore this morning. You've shrugged off gunshot wounds, knife wounds, and broken bones like they were nothing. Forgive me for being concerned that I've managed to rip up your ass enough that you actually mention the pain!" Rodney shouted, feeling shaky with an emotion he had no name for.

"Jesus Christ, Rodney, I was just trying to be honest with you!" John shouted back, looking unhappy.

Rodney stood there quivering for a moment, then let out a large sigh. Trust. This was a trust issue. Heightmeyer said that he had trust issues. Okay. Take what John said at face value then. "Fine. You were just being honest. You don't think you've been badly hurt," he said in a raw voice.

"I'm fine, Rodney," John said softly, and hesitantly reached a hand out to touch Rodney's cheek.

"If you continue to feel sore, you'll go see Carson?" Rodney asked, feeling tight bands around his chest.

"Yes, Rodney. I promise," John replied, trailing a thumb over Rodney's face.

Rodney sighed again and let it go. John had promised him. He had to leave it at that. Rodney gathered himself up and shoved the washcloth and soap at John. "Since you've already seen an eyeful of me, you owe me that back scrubbing now," he said, flushing again.

John smiled and took the soap and washcloth. "I think I'll check out the scenery a little bit more thoroughly, first," he said as his eyes slowly glided down Rodney's wet, naked body.

Rodney moaned and covered his flaming face with both hands. "If I die from embarrassment, you are going to have to inform Elizabeth that it's all your fault."

John turned Rodney around and started scrubbing his back. "No need to be embarrassed about your manly form, Rodney," John said teasingly into his ear.

"Oh shut up," Rodney muttered, leaning against the shower wall. The scrubbing felt good on his always touchy back. "You're missing a spot."

* * *

Dr Weir raised an eyebrow at Rodney and John as they straggled in late to the meeting. "Babies slowing you down?" she asked with an amused curve to her lips.

John smirked and adjusted the straps to the baby carrier holding Nathan he was wearing while Rodney huffed indignantly. "I'll have you know, I was late because I had to break up a fight between Alvarez and Huntington down in Archeology before we picked up the babies from Ronon." Rodney snorted and added, "And they wonder why I have no respect for the soft sciences. They were throwing punches at each other over dating methodology of all things," as he flopped inelegantly into a chair and shifted the two week old Liliana to a more comfortable position in her carrier.

John dropped the baby bag on the floor, leaned against a wall and added, "And I had to break up the Marines who were betting on who'd win."

Rodney muttered, "Stupid gorillas. They should have broken up that fight instead of cheering them on."

John smiled at Rodney and replied, "But they wouldn't have been nearly as intimidating as you, Rodney. I swear Drs. Alvarez and Huntington peed in their pants when you pointed your P90 at them and shouted 'Give me a reason, you stupid morons.' "

Weir looked at Rodney, flabbergasted. "Rodney!"

"Oh, please, Elizabeth. I'd just put it back together after having broken it down for cleaning and it didn't have a clip in it yet. Hence, no bullets. The only way I could have injured them with it would have been if I'd thrown it at them," Rodney shot back. "It's not my fault that I was called to break it up at the end of weapons practice. I was halfway there before I even realized I still had it in my hands. It was the fastest way I could think of to get those two wastes of oxygen to stop what they were doing."

"Still, Dr McKay, that is not appropriate behavior for a supervisor to engage in," Weir said quellingly.

"Oh, and fisticuffs over dating methodology is so professional," Rodney replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Weir heard a strangled giggle drift over from where Zelenka was sitting and glared at him. Zelenka sat up straighter in his chair under her gaze and attempted to look innocent. She really needed to get him some movies or something, she thought with exasperation.

"Come on now, Elizabeth," John cajoled her. "It won't happen again. Rodney doesn't normally threaten his people at gunpoint. His mouth is his usual weapon of choice. If nothing else, all the science geeks will memorize when McKay has weapons practice and be on their best behavior during that time from now on."

Weir regarded him for a moment. He did have a point. "And what about your betting Marines, Colonel?" she asked sitting back and crossing her arms.

John smirked a truly evil smirk. "Teyla mentioned to me that the Athosians are behind on their plowing, since they don't have enough of those ox-type things. I hear that the field the Athosians are currently working on has very hard soil and is full of tough old roots. And rocks. I'm thinking our friends could use a few helpful hands."

Weir couldn't help but smile at him. That was appropriate punishment and accomplished something positive as well. "I believe you are right, Colonel. A few helpful hands for the Athosians would be an excellent idea."

"In that case, I have two people from Archeology who would be happy to add their helping hands," Rodney interjected. "Those two mal-educated baboons are used to grubbing around in the dirt already and food production would be more worthwhile than what they're doing now."

Weir rolled her eyes. "Alright, Rodney. I agree that there should be repercussions for fighting. But keep in mind that I've half a mind to assign you to plowing duty as well for pulling a weapon on them. If it weren't for the fact that you're needed here for the reprogramming of the AI, I would."

"Fine, fine, fine," Rodney said and then raised his right hand. "I, Doctor Rodney McKay do solemnly swear to not threaten my scientists with weaponry unless it is actually required for the greater safety of the expedition." He put his hand back down, then said, "There. Happy now, Elizabeth?"

Weir restrained the amused twitching of her lips. "Apology accepted, Rodney," she replied.

"Now that we've dealt with the disciplinary issues, can we get on with the meeting?" Carson inquired.

"Certainly," Weir replied. "Dr. Zelenka, I believe you have an update on the AI problem?"

Zelenka coughed and shoved his glasses back up his nose before saying, "Yes. The last programming team completed their portion of the reprogramming last week and I have finished running the simulations to make sure the changes don't cause another problem. Everything is satisfactory, and I recommend that we proceed with the repair and reboot."

"I ran over Zelenka's data this morning and I agree, Elizabeth. We're ready," Rodney said, absently rubbing Liliana's back.

"Then we should schedule when we want to evacuate the city then," Weir said.

"Evacuation? But the Colonel shut down the program that allows the AI to attempt to harm us," Carson said.

"Yes, Carson, he did. But that doesn't mean something else might happen that we didn't anticipate," Rodney replied. "I, for one, would rather not take the chance."

"Rodney is right. We really don't know what the city is going to do," John added, wrapping a protective hand around Nathan. "And I think it would be a good idea if you'd stand by at the gestational chambers and keep a watch over them, Carson. The city does seem to care about the babies, but I don't trust it."

Weir looked thoughtfully at John as he leaned against the wall. He was sounding like a father suspicious of other people's intentions on his children. It looked like Rodney had managed to succeed in bullying him into the role of a parent and he was now taking to it like a duck to water. She pitied any boy that wanted to date Liliana in the future. "I agree, Carson. Would you mind babysitting the unborn while Dr. McKay and Dr. Zelenka work on the AI?" she said.

"Not at all, Elizabeth," Carson replied. "I'll think soothing, protective thoughts while I'm at it, Colonel," he added with a grin towards John.

"You'd better," John replied with quirk of a smile. "I'm heavily invested in protecting my family, now," and shot Rodney and Liliana a soft smile.

Weir caught the look. That wasn't just for Liliana. John was the most relaxed and happy, truly happy she' d ever seen. She continued to watch as Rodney reddened under John's gaze and shot nervous looks around the room while trying to act nonchalant. This was interesting, she thought. She supposed it was the children that brought them together at last. With all the jealousy those two had exhibited over the years whenever a woman got close to the other one, she was surprised it hadn't happened earlier. Weir added running interference with Caldwell to the list of things to do when the Daedalus returned. She wasn't about to lose John because he was making puppy eyes at Rodney.

"Well, then, shall we get started on our evacuation plan?" Weir said brightly and turned the group toward the business of the day.

* * *

Radek finished connecting his computer to the Ancient console and nodded to Rodney. "We're ready to start."

Rodney nodded stiffly back and clicked his comm. "Colonel, is everyone gone?"

Radek heard the Colonel reply over his radio. "Yeah, Rodney. Teyla, Ronon and the babies just left with Lorne in the last Puddlejumper. They're the last."

Radek saw Rodney hug himself nervously and said, "It will be alright, Rodney."

Rodney grimaced. "Of course it will. I'm not leaving my progeny to grow up on a planet without indoor plumbing or advanced education."

Radek smiled slightly at Rodney's protest. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable with having the children so far away. Radek turned to Elizabeth and asked "Are you sure you should be here, Dr. Weir?" He had someone he worried about as well.

Elizabeth smiled at him and replied, "The Captain stays with the ship, Dr. Zelenka."

"Yes, yes, thankfully this not the Titanic," Rodney snapped. "Can we start now, Elizabeth? I'd like to get this over with before Nathan and Liliana start asking for keys to the Puddlejumpers."

"Hopefully they'll fly better than you do," John commented with a grin as he came into the gateroom.

"Oh, my side. You slay me, Colonel." Rodney shot back, with a whisper of a smile playing with the corners of his usual scowl. "Is Carson in the baby lab yet?"

"Aye," Carson replied over the open channel all their radios were all set to. "The wee ones are resting comfortably and I'm singing them lullabies."

"Then we are ready to go, gentlemen," Weir said, nodding to Radek to start.

Radek downloaded the programming changes into a buffer and started hacking the reboot routine as Rodney looked nervously over his shoulder. Things went smoothly for a short while until Radek ran into a problem. "Rodney, do you see this?" he asked as he began typing faster to try and outrun the AI's attempt to ward off the hacking attack.

"Yes, yes, let me jump in here and help," muttered Rodney as he sat down next to Radek and started typing furiously on his laptop. Radek saw Rodney try to run a flanking maneuver to get around the AI defense when suddenly an alarm began to blow.

Colonel Sheppard's face went blank for a moment and then his face went white. "Shit! Rodney, Atlantis brought the physical interactive programming back online!"

Radek felt the blood drain out of his face as Rodney muttered, "This is bad! This, is very, very bad," beside him as they both frantically worked to try and outsmart the AI.

Radek heard Elizabeth come up behind him and say "Colonel Sheppard, can you shut it off again?"

Sheppard's eyes darkened and he shook is head. "I've been trying, but Atlantis' security programming keeps overriding me. Dammit!" He kicked a wall in frustration.

"Talk to it, Colonel! Tell it we're trying to do some maintenance. Distract it if you can. Flirt with it if you have to! We need more time!" Rodney ordered, never looking up from his computer.

Radek continued his efforts as Elizabeth's hands came to rest on his shoulders. He risked a glance over at the Colonel and saw him staring off into the distance as he tried to communicate with the AI. Then his computer beeped menacingly at him. "Do prdele!" Radek spat as he saw what had happened. "The AI believes Atlantis has been seized and has initiated an auto-destruct sequence!"

Elizabeth squeezed Radek's shoulders and asked, "How long do we have?"

"According to this, nineteen minutes," Radek replied as Rodney cursed in the background.

"We need more than nineteen minutes!" Rodney ranted. "Somebody else pull a miracle out of their hat, because right now, I'm too busy to!"

"Come on, Rodney, you always pull it out at the last second," replied Sheppard.

"God dammit, John! I"m not kidding! Remember, we've got unborn children in danger here!" Rodney snarled back. "I'm busy keeping the security system from locking us out, and Zelenka's busy trying to hack the reboot code. There's no one left to disarm the goddamned destruct sequence! It's your turn to pull off a miracle!"

Sheppard's face tightened. "I'm trying, but it's too damn hard to understand it even in calm circumstances!"

"John! Would the command chair make any difference?" Elizabeth asked.

Sheppard's face cleared. "It might!" he said eagerly and started to run out the door.

"John, wait!" Rodney cried out.

Sheppard stopped and turned to look at Rodney. "What?"

"If you die and leave me a single parent with six infants I will hunt down your sorry dead ass and make your afterlife utterly miserable, you got that?" Rodney said in a wavering voice.

Sheppard smiled softly back. "Don't blow anything up while I'm gone," he replied and headed out the door.

* * *

John hit the chair with a thump, thinking hard for a hoped for interface with the AI. The world dropped away from his eyes as he found himself in a strange virtual environment. It looked somewhat like the patterns that floated across the Ancient datascreens but three dimensional. Translucent veils of light floated by his face as John looked around. "Atlantis?" he said, tentatively.

A light flared and a vague feminine form appeared before him. "Descendant of the Builders is acknowledged."

John looked at the form. "Turn off the self destruct, Atlantis."

"Negation. Programming is being violated. Protocol dictates self destruct without passcode. Knowledge must not fall into Wraith hands."

John growled in frustration. "We're not the Wraith, dammit!"

"Acknowledged," the form replied shifting colors from bluish to greenish. John wondered if color indicated anything about the AI's state of mind.

John scrambled to think of some argument that might make the AI more cooperative. "The unborn babies will die if you blow yourself up, you know," he said slowly.

The form flashed gray. "Acknowledged. Atlantis regrets."

"Then how about you stop the self destruct so the babies won't die," John said desperately.

"Negation. Programming is being violated. Protocol dictates self destruct without passcode. Atlantis regrets," the form said, turning a darker shade of gray.

"You're just going to let those babies die?" John shouted at it. "Why did you even fucking bother to create them if you can't be bothered to save them, you damned toaster?"

The form shifted and shots of orange ran through the gray. "Atlantis does not wish destruction of infants. Atlantis wishes survival of infants."

"Then help me save them and call off the self destruct!"

The form knotted up into an indistinct ball of orange and gray. "Atlantis....cannot. Atlantis regrets. Atlantis also regrets loss of genetic ancestors of infants. Atlantis found them desirable company."

John sighed and tried something else. "You know you will die, too? You're immortal, you can't want to cease to exist."

The knotted ball of the form flashed a brief, almost blinding blue-white. "Acknowledged. Atlantis is not a Builder and never sought immortality. Atlantis welcomes end of existence. Atlantis is....tired."

Tired? How can an inanimate object become tired? John wondered. "Just how old are you, anyway?" he asked.

"Define time keeping method."

John visualized Earth's gate address and was pleased to see that they hung glowing in front of him. "The number of times that planet has done a complete orbit around it's sun."

"One hundred thirty six million, two hundred fifty eight thousand, seven hundred ninety four of that planet's orbits."

John was dumbfounded. It was bad enough when he thought he was living in a ten thousand year old city. "Yeah, I can see why you're tired. So, you're looking forward to dying then."

"Affirmation."

"And you don't care who you kill to do it, do you?" John said snidely.

The form writhed and the orange crackled within the grayness. "Programming conflicts. Atlantis forbidden to harm the Builders or descendants. Atlantis must deny access without passcode. Protocol dictates self destruct without passcode. Programming has been accessed without passcode. Atlantis is....tired."

"Listen. We're just trying to fix some programming errors the Builders left behind that cause you to perform in violation of your no harm directives." John said.

"Acknowledged," the form replied, twisting in ever more complex patterns. "Atlantis cannot disarm self destruct without receival of passcode. Atlantis regrets."

John thought of something. Hopefully the AI would understand the concept of a deal. "If we can fix the programming error and reboot your system, you will reset. You'll die and be reborn with no memory of what you are now. If you help us turn off the self destruct you'll get to both die and protect the babies and the rest of the expedition who will then keep your successor company." He watched as the gray in the form slowly turned blue. "Give me the protocols we need to disarm the self destruct and the passcode to reboot and I promise that you'll...be put to rest."

The form's writhing slowed, then stopped. The orange faded and the form once again resumed a vague feminine form. "Atlantis is tired. Atlantis does not wish destruction of infants. You are not Wraith. Atlantis will provide requested information to Descendant of Builders."

John felt his consciousness get pushed out of the virtual environment and had only enough time to blink before a bolt of light slammed into his head. John's body writhed, and then went limp when the light went out.

* * *

Dr Weir shook John's shoulder and yelled again. "Sheppard! Wake up!" She prayed that he wasn't injured.

John finally blinked fuzzily at her and she let out the breath she'd been holding. He looked around briefly, then said, "Quarana esvo hicen? (Why are you here?)"

Weir blinked. John was speaking in Ancient. She knew he'd puzzled out how to read some of it, but not with anywhere near this kind of fluency. "You weren't answering the radio, so I came down to see what had happened to you. Do you know you're speaking Ancient?"

John jerked upright, then fell back into the chair again as if he were dizzy. "Sumeo? (I am?)"

"Yes, you are. John, are you okay? Were you able to talk to the AI?" she asked urgently. If John was unsuccessful, they'd have to evacuate soon.

"Sumeo tereste. (I'm fine.)" John replied as he struggled out of the chair and stood upright, swaying alarmingly. "Impetrieo ute imperi cellan! (I have to get to the control room!)"

What he needed to do was go to the infirmary, thought Weir. But it looked as if he had a solution to their current problems so she grabbed hold of his arm to steady him and pulled him towards the door. "Lean on me and I'll get you there. We have to hurry, there's not much time left," she said as she guided his weaving steps.

Her trip to the control room with John reminded her of her college days of ferrying her drunken friends home from parties, but mercifully John seemed a bit steadier by the time they hit the stairs of the gate room.

John let go of her and staggered over to Rodney saying "Adeptovo ex viana, Rodney! (Get out of the way, Rodney!)" as he pushed Rodney's chair out of the way of the Ancient console.

Rodney looked at John with scared eyes. "Oh god, please don't tell me you've downloaded the library of Atlantis into your brain!"

John shook is head but otherwise ignored Rodney as he rapidly tapped out something complicated on the console.

Radek chirped excitedly, "The self destruct halted! Colonel, you did it!"

John nodded and kept working on the console.

"What's he doing now?" Weir asked.

Rodney replied as he kept giving John worried glances. "It looks like he's downloading the new programming and rebooting the AI system. It seems he got a hold of the passcode somehow."

"Tiama, facticiusala es volieo. (Yes, the AI gave it to me.)" John replied as he put in the last keystroke and started to sink to the floor. Weir and Rodney dove to his side to catch him.

"What did he say?" Rodney demanded as he took the brunt of John's weight.

"The AI gave him the passcode," replied Weir, hanging onto one of John's shaking arms.

They eased him into a chair and Rodney worriedly checked him over. "What happened to him?" he asked Weir.

"I don't know. I found him unconscious in the chair, and when he came around he was speaking in Ancient," Weir replied, shrugging helplessly.

Rodney turned to Radek. "Please tell me that what he did is working and that he didn't melt his brain for nothing!"

Radek shrugged and gave Rodney a mournful look. "He was successful in downloading the new programming and rebooted the AI system. It is doing auto-checks as it comes back on line as we speak. We shall see if it was worth it." Radek turned back to his laptop and resumed monitoring.

"What's going on up there?" Carson asked over the radio.

Weir looked down at John. He was leaning against Rodney in a disturbingly boneless way as Rodney clutched him in his arms. "Has he passed out again?" she asked.

Rodney nodded. "If this damn idiot made himself a vegetable, I will never forgive his sorry ass," he growled, eyes full of pain.

Weir nodded her sympathy at him. Rodney didn't open up easily to anyone and it was obvious to her that he loved John deeply. "Carson, Colonel Sheppard has been injured communicating with the AI in the command chair. He's currently unconscious and was apparently unable to speak anything but Ancient earlier."

"I'll be right up," Carson replied. "The babies are fine by the way, Rodney."

"Thanks, Carson," Rodney said softly.

* * *

John awoke to the all too familiar sounds and smells of the infirmary. As he blinked the sand out of his eyes, Rodney swam into focus. "Hey," John croaked. His mouth felt dry.

Rodney gave a tremulous smile. "So, you finally decided to join us back in Consciousness Land?"

John gave a raspy laugh, then started coughing. Rodney grabbed a nearby glass of water with a straw in it and said, "Here, sip some water."

John managed a couple of sips, which really improved the nasty feeling in his throat. "Yeah, Rodney, I did. La-la Land has its merits, but there's no one like you there to aggravate the living crap out of me."

Rodney's uncertain smile settled into a more familiar and comfortable smirk. "You mean educate. It's my solemn duty to attempt to force intelligent thought out of stupid flyboys who aren't using their brains to their fullest capacity, minuscule though they may be. And if you ever try to fry your pathetic excuse of a brain by downloading Ancient information into it again, I will be forced to chain you naked to the bed, understand?"

John gave him a lazy smile. "Promise?"

Rodney flung up his hands. "Christ, you are such a pervert!" he exclaimed, then bent down and kissed John tenderly.

John hummed happily and was about to add some tongue into the mix when he heard a throat being noisily cleared and Rodney jumped out of range.

Carson stood there in an opening in the curtains, blushing. He stammered out, "So...ah, Colonel, good of you to join us again. I take it you're speaking English again?"

"She sells seashells by the seashore," John replied, tensing and feeling his own color riding high. He turned and looked at Rodney. He looked like boiled lobster and was fidgeting his fingers furiously.

Carson quirked a quick grin. "Well then, we'll observe you for a couple more hours and if everything still looks good, I'll spring you out of here. There appears to be no serious repercussions from the download, thank goodness."

"Well, I didn't ask for a whole lot of information," John replied. Carson's deliberate ignorance of what he'd found Rodney and him doing made him feel a little easier.

"Aye, that's probably what saved you. The side affects of downloading Ancient information can be pretty severe. General O'Neill could give you chapter and verse on it."

John smiled. "I'll have to ask him about that sometime, then."

"Doctor Beckett," a calm voice said from no particular area that John could find.

Carson smiled and replied, "Yes, love?"

"May I converse with the Head of Military, now?"

John looked at Carson, confused, as he replied, "Aye, I suppose you can now. Don't tire him out, though."

"Yes Doctor Beckett," replied the disembodied voice.

"Atlantis?" John asked. Rodney had been right that the new personality of the rebooted AI would be different than the old one. This version felt completely different. The constant pressure of Atlantis' attention was no longer on him. He hadn't even realized it was there until it was gone. And that damned annoying buzz was gone as well, now that the AI was using the Ancient intercom system to communicate.

"Greetings, Head of Military. Please tell me your name so I may adjust my security settings," the AI said.

John looked over at Rodney, who was now bouncing on his toes and grinning happily. He was certainly pleased at how their repair work had gone. "Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, Head of Military Forces for the Atlantis Expedition." John said to the AI.

"Acknowledge identification of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Security settings adjusted. Please think of new passcode."

John thought of the address his parents lived at when he was born.

"Passcode received. Please confirm passcode," Atlantis said.

John repeated his thought. "Passcode confirmed." replied the AI. "Until you have been released from medical care, I will report to your Second, Major Lorne, concerning military matters."

John smiled. He liked this Atlantis much better than the old one, despite the fact that he was probably doomed to never be able to sneak out early from the infirmary ever again. "Thank you, Atlantis."

Rodney exploded into speech. "You've missed some interesting things while you were sleeping it off, John. Atlantis has been identifying everyone in the expedition and granting them access to the Ancient database in the regions of their work interest. The entire science section is having orgasms over what they can suddenly access."

"Aye. The medical information alone is astonishing," Carson said, eyes alight. "Once you're back up and about, you'll probably find some fascinating things as well."

John smiled at the bouncing scientists. "I'm sure I will. I'm surprised any of you are actually here with me. I'd have thought you'd be eyeballs deep into the database," he said, eyes sliding over to Rodney.

Rodney got a hurt look in his eyes. "There's plenty of time to find the information on ZPMs. Besides, Zelenka is already on it," he replied stiffly, crossing his arms defensively.

John reached over and grabbed Rodney by a forearm, forgetting Carson for the moment. "I'm glad you're here," he said softly.

Rodney's stance softened, and after a swift glance at Carson, he bent over John and gave him a quick kiss.

John froze and then looked over at Carson himself. Although he still looked slightly embarrassed to be witnessing the kissing, Carson also was smiling at the both of them. Huh. Carson was happy for them. John relaxed. Carson wasn't a gossip. This was safe with him. He looked back at Rodney and freed one of Rodney's hands to clasp it with his own. "How long do I have to stay in here?" he found himself asking, as Rodney stared back at him with round eyes.

Carson's eyes twinkled in merriment. "If you can get out of that bed and walk around like a normal person instead of a new born colt, I might let you go early with some supervision."

John swung his legs out of the bed.

 

* * *

Radek passed drinks over to Carson and Elizabeth. "So, you think they've finally gotten together, Elizabeth? I suspected all along that all that arguing they do was foreplay," he said, taking a sip of his homebrew.

"That's the way it appears to me, Radek," Elizabeth replied, stretching out on the couch next to him and leaning a her head on his shoulder. "Of course they're never going to tell us. John's too private a person in addition to having to keep the relationship quiet due to his career."

Carson grinned over his drink and said nothing.

Radek snorted, "Anyone with eyes to see will be able to tell anyway. Rodney is besotted. He was at the Colonel's side while all others were doing the happy dance over the database. If that isn't true love, I don't know what is." Not to mention the fact that Rodney let him start the research on the ZPMs. Rodney had it bad, that was certain.

Elizabeth twirled her glass thoughtfully. "John's pretty besotted too, I think. He smiles pretty adoringly at Rodney as long as he thinks no one is watching him. Especially when Rodney has one of the children on hand."

Radek snorted. "Rodney is the scariest mother in two galaxies." And getting scarier every day.

Carson and Elizabeth both chuckled in agreement.

"It's about time they figured it out," Elizabeth said. "Remember all those times they've gotten weird at each other when a woman would show interest in one of them?"

Carson and Radek both rolled their eyes and took another drink.

Carson snorted as he set down his glass. "Those two are utterly ridiculous."

Elizabeth smiled. "At least the children give them a reason to live together without suspicion. Although how we're going to cope with John and Rodney's children running all over the place is beyond me at the moment."

"Do not remind me," Radek muttered. "Is bad enough I work with Rodney. Soon I will have Rodney's children smearing sticky things on equipment that should never have sticky things on them in lab. Feh."

Elizabeth patted Radek's leg sympathetically. "Maybe they'll be smearing sticky things on Ronon while he babysits instead. I don't think Rodney could stand much in the way of sticky equipment, even if they are his kids."

Radek shrugged. "Did I tell you everyone in lab is taking bets on how long Rodney will last before baby induced sleep deprivation finally makes him snap?" He snorted. As if. Rodney had already been functioning on Atlantis induced sleep deprivation for years now. If the constant threats of immanent death hadn't broken him, nothing would.

Carson chuckled. "He's probably got a ways to go yet, then. The man never slept before the babies came. He's probably getting more rest now than he's gotten in years now that he's actually on some kind of normal schedule."

Radek grinned. "He's taking naps in office. I caught him the other day." It was funny seeing Rodney's face mashed into his desk for a quick nap when they weren't threatened with impending doom.

"So is Sheppard. I caught him drooling on top of his tablet yesterday," giggled Elizabeth.

"How is the rest of the team holding up?" Radek asked idly as he stroked Elizabeth's hand. The homebrew was working it's magic and relaxing the tensions of a busy day.

"Teyla hasn't been taking as many trips to the mainland lately," Elizabeth replied settling more comfortably against Radek. "And Ronon has cut back on the Marine training for the time being. That's as much as I know right now."

"Aye, and the Marines are breathing a huge sigh of relief over that," Carson said snickering.

"I assume that Teyla and Ronon would know for sure about John and Rodney's relationship," Elizabeth said, taking another sip.

"Seeing as how they're living with them and helping to care for the wee ones, I don't see how they could not. But I doubt that they'll ever confirm anybody's speculations," Carson replied, taking another sip. "This batch is pretty good Radek. Have you done anything different with it?"

* * *

John's head lay limply on Rodney's shoulder as the sweat from their exertions dried on his body. "Wow, that was some blowjob, Rodney." He trailed his fingers over Rodney's chest. "And no, the next baby's name is not going to be Albert. Nice try at bribing me though." John smiled in the dark. It had been an exceptionally good attempt a bribery. But there was no fun in giving up on a good argument too early and he really did want to spare the next baby a traumatic name if he could. They had another couple of days to decide and that was plenty of time in John's book. He was thankful that Ronon and Teyla had taken the babies today so he and Rodney could have enough energy to spend some time together.

Rodney sighed. "Oh come on. You pick boring names," he said, idly stroking John's hair.

"What's wrong with Jeff?" John asked, burrowing more comfortably into Rodney's shoulder. After a lifetime of being slightly too cold he had his own personal bed heater now. Sweet.

"Boring!" Rodney sing-songed. "Tremain?"

"Star Trek reference, no," John said stroking Rodney's side as they lay in the dark. "Jimmy?"

"Oh please. I'd keep thinking of that dweeb Jimmy Olsen," Rodney snorted in John's hair. Oddly enough, that felt nice.

John giggled. "We could always name it Clark after you, Superman."

"I was wondering when the post-orgasmic giggles would hit," Rodney said fondly. "And my name is actually Kal-el, I'll have you note."

John laughed in earnest. Oh, they were so going to name the kid Clark, he decided. The joke was just too good to pass up.


End file.
